SWITZERLAND V FRANCE
Guest referee:
Jen Crothers — Deputy Features Editor, Heat
Tiziana Gulino — ‘Because Of You’ (The Voice)
“The most important thing to take away from this performance is the Swiss' refreshingly cavalier attitude towards naked flames: there is a flurry of lighters held aloft in the audience for the entire three minutes and nine seconds of Tiziana’s sing-song. You wouldn’t get that in the UK (thanks Health and Safety!), although seeing someone’s nan enthusiastically waving a Clipper in their Best Bits montage would add a certain je ne sais quoi to proceedings. Special mentions should probably go to the numerous burnt thumbs post-sing song. Tackling one of the canonical pop works of Kelly Clarkson is a terribly good decision, simply because it’s an excellent song. While it’s not the best version of the song in existence (by any stretch of the imagination), what Tiziana lacks in Clarkson-esque gusto, she more than makes up for by being ‘moving’ and causing the coaches to pull Extreme Emotionface.”
Kendji Girac — ‘Mad World’ (The Voice)
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“Kendji is terribly handsome. Kendji has a lovely beard and a lovely set of teeth. Kendji is the type of man who wouldn’t mind if you drunkenly called his sister a cow and vomited in his favourite shoe because because he is Kendji and he is nice. But Kendji can’t really sing those low notes, can he? From the off, poor Kendji was never going to be the favourite going into this round thanks to the song choice, a cover of flat-capped miserablist Gary Jules’ version of Mad World, which completely ruined Christmas in 2003 for everyone ever by being the festive number one. But what ol’ Kendji lacks in vocal ability/a decent song choice, he slightly makes up for in tramp-oil drum inferno fun (although points must be deducted for the French approach to studio-based fire, as it’s all a bit too stage-managed). Sorry."
Jen's full time score:
Switzerland 1 — France 0
Now you can vote for your own favourite.
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