Guest referee: Hanna Hanra — Editor, The Beat

Colombia32 Camilo Martinez — 'La Ley del Monte' (The Voice)

The sound quality of this version of Camilo Martinez winning the Columbian Voice was too much like a bean can full of nails being played on a record player; thank­fully this version on YouTube offers some clarity on the song. Personally this music is not for me. It reminds me too much of that time everyone in my year at school went on holiday together and I hitch­hiked home from the town centre in the back of a pickup truck shared with a dying pig. I think it invokes that memory largely because it sounds like a less razzy version of  'Mambo Number 5'. On the plus side, if Camilo and Bruno Mars got together they would make a lovely lesbian couple. ”

Cote_d'Ivoire32 BB DJ — 'Enfant Poli'

Ivory Coast does not have any talent shows — least of all a version of The Voice. I do not know where this video was sourced, but let's dissect it anyway because as it clearly states in the title, this kid has talent. Firstly though, the presenter lady. She is a hot mama, but what has happened to her dress? Did someone forget to sew the right sleeve on? Also her breasts are really the star of the show here. Which somehow leads us to the BBDJ segment. I like the kid's dancing; like slow, drunk horny uncles at a wedding. Inappropriate yet tan­tal­ising. I wasn't that bothered about BBDJ's singing, it's no Mary Kate and Ashley rapping about Pizza , let's face it, and it doesn't really go anywhere for nearly three minutes until BBDJ starts rapping. Which is incred­ibly impress­ive, even though I don't know how to divine what he is rapping about. Also I just realised that the super imposed back­ground of the video looks like a print hanging in the toilets of my accountant's office."

Hanna's full time score:

Colombia 1 — Ivory Coast 2


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