Intermittently reliable gossip website Holy Moly reported yesterday that the Sugababes — and by Sugababes we mean SUGABABES not 'Sugababes'* — are back together and in talks with either Stuart Price or William Orbit.
A reunion would probably be the most awesome pop event of the millennium (unless it was shit), and this doesn't bode well, but in the event of a reunion what would this lovely trio of warbling ladies call itself?
Here are five ideas.
1. One Touch
Just as suga and babe were a play on spice and girl, so the new name for the original Sugababes lineup could be a play on the Spice Girls' original name, Touch. 'One Touch' was also the title of the first SUGABABES album so it all fits in, do you see etc etc.
2. Babes Aloud
This would be the worst name in the history of bad names, and considering The History Of Bad Names is a 50,000-page leather bound book with 'Orange Orange' in the first chapter, 'Test Icicles' a few pages later and 'Girls Can't Catch' on Page 8765, you can rest assured that Babes Aloud is a pretty bad name. A BAD NAME.
3. The Shergarbabes
This would only work if famous missing racehorse Shergar joined the band which, under the circumstances, is not as unlikely as it might once have seemed. This is all a bit like watching something like Flashforward in which an event which is incredibly unlikely and previously unthinkable has occurred meaning that if impossible things can happen any traditional sense of suspense of narrative pace goes out of the window and the whole thing is useless. That is a bit like a racehorse joining the SUGABABES. It's unlikely, but so is SUGABABES reforming in the first place, so anything could happen.
4. Heidi Amelle & Jade
Considering everyone is going to call Keisha, Mutya and Siobhan the Sugababes (and by Sugababes we mean SUGABABES) regardless of whether Jade, Heidi and Amelle actually have the legal right to the name , it stands to reason that they might just as well call themselves Heidi Amelle & Jade because then you will know that if someone says Sugababes meaning Heidi Amelle and Jade or Heidi Amelle & Jade meaning Keisha Mutya and Siobhan all you have to do is think of the other one and then that's the one they're talking about, unless they are also aware of this rule in which case you have to think of the one they ARE talking about instead of the one they're NOT talking about.
5. Them Apples
As in, 'how do you like them apples?', which would basically be a big old 'fuck you' to everybody else. Do you know what, readers, we've totally lost track of whose side we're on in this whole thing. (Answer: Girls Aloud's.) (We're joking of course.) (Or are we?) *Goes for a lie down*
We hope this has been of some use to the band we'll refer to, in the interim, as SUGABABES.
* Heidi, Amelle and Jade should probably just rename themselves 'Sugababes' with full-on inverted commas action, shouldn't they, like with Hear'say but different. Perhaps we will write to the 'Sugababes'' management and suggest it.