To begin with, when we heard this song without any visual accom­pani­ment, we were fairly impressed by Cody Simpson's rampant pop­por­tunism regarding the whole 'surfboard' thing. He iden­ti­fied (not that it would take Columbo) a 'pop thing' and ran with it.

Well done Cody.

But this video. THIS VIDEO. Christ on a bike Cody, we admire you high hair, we're enchanted by your childlike penchant for splashing about in water, and we do not doubt for one minute that all those hired-in women in your video and many thousands more love would love nothing more than to grind around on your penis (even though you're only 17 and that's all a bit iffy). We're not disputing any of that. But this video is a disaster.

Woodwork. WOODWORK. There is actual woodwork in this video.

Cody SImpson surfboard