Ladies and gentlemen, this is our Bowie moment.
Just so we're all on the same page when it comes to hopes, fears, modest requests and completely unreasonable demands regarding what happens next, we've compiled a handy list of what we want and what we do not want from Timbo.
Feel free to print it out and cross things off as they do or don't happen. Actually crossing something off when it doesn't happen is a bit confusing so maybe don't do that.
- Well the supposed single featuring Jay‑Z and Beyoncé and Timbaland would do just fine to kick things off thanks.
- Single released immediately pon de iTunes.
- Video next week. No endless teasers. The video just appears.
- Full-on Grammys performance featuring above-mentioned 'pop luminaries'. Maybe the Brits as well but we know he's a busy man.
- Proper interviews with proper music journalists who won't just ask him about his lovelife and that sort of shit.
- Full album to be released April 8. Lots of full on epic ridicupop moments with various a‑list producers pulling stuff out of the top drawer. Usual pop suspects like Max and Calvin and Dr delivering non-usual songs alongside numerous young and demented hip-hop and R&B producers, preferably people we haven't heard of, keeping up that side of things. We suppose Diplo should be involved somewhere too.
- Five singles minimum.
- Hats, but in moderation.
- One of the songs to be a decade-later, 'maybe we should give it another go'-style sequel to 'Cry Me A River'. Middle eight vocals from MISS BRITNEY SPEARS in which she delivers some kind of amazing devastating blow/plot twist that turns everything on its head.
- Another of the songs to feature uncredited backing vocals from The Rest Of *NSYNC.
DO NOT WANT
- Anything to do with acting.
- Anything to do with MySpace.
- Anything to do with golf.
- Anything to do with home furnishings.
- Anything to do with comedy songs.
- Guetta (unless he's going to behave himself and deliver something of 'Titanium'-esque quality).
- Rihanna and/or Chris Brown.
- Serif fonts on his website.
Well we don't think any of that is unreasonable.
Let's watch 'Rock Your Body'.