Radio 1 announced the new Top 10 last night, as they do every week near the end of the Reggie Yates Show. Unfortunately the whole thing was in the wrong order. Here's how this week's Top 10 should look.
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1. Example — 'Won't Go Quietly' Despite its eye-wateringly bad video 'Won't Come Quietly' is one of the best singles of 2010 and you can take that to the pop fact bank. |
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2. Glee — 'Don't Stop Believin'' Make the most of this, readers, there are three weeks left until you will never need or want to hear the Glee rendition of this song ever again until you are dead and in the ground and therefore incapable of hearing anything at all although, even when you're six feet under you'll probably still be able to detect the distant annual thud of X Factor Big Band week as it vibrates through the afterlife. |
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3. Alicia Keys — 'Empire State Of Mind (Part II)' It would be better if 'Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart' was in the Top 10 but it's not so we'll just have to make do with this. It says something quite complimentary about 'Empire State Of Mind' that even when you've taken out the best bits you're still left with a song that's better than Most Other Songs. Imagine, for example, if you took all the good bits out of 'Playing With Fire' by N‑Dubz featuring Mr Hudson! It would sound like this. |
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4. Owl City — 'Fireflies' Do you know what's worse than Owl City sounding quite a lot like The Postal Service? People saying "Owl City sounds like The Postal Service". YES THANK YOU WE HAVE EARS. |
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5. Journey — 'Don't Stop Believin'' Quite a good song. Marginally better than 'Starstrukk', marginally worse than 'Fireflies'. |
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6. 3OH!3 feat Katy Perry — 'Starstrukk' A song that was invented for the benefit of morons but turned out to be alright in the end. |
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7. Iyaz — 'Replay' This is clearly an amazing song and if anyone attempts to tell you otherwise you have our permission to call them a massive bastard but it is only at Number 7 in our rundown of the proper Top 10 and that is due to the extreme badness of his next single, 'Solo'. |
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8. Timbaland feat Katy Perry — 'If We Ever Meet Again' Here's an oddity — a song which involves Katy Perry but whose video features someone other than Katy Perry pulling the video's most ridiculous faces. The guilty party here, of course, is Timbaland, whose endless 'cat done a whoopsie' facial contortions must surely be part of some elaborate audition process for a 2010 bigscreen 'Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em' remake. |
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9. JLS — 'One Shot' The good bit (where it goes "HNRRGH NRGHRHGRN NRGRHRNN NRGRGHRNN" and sounds like it's about to all go off) should go on for longer and by 'longer' we mean 'the entire song'. |
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10. John & Edward feat Vanilla Ice — 'Under Pressure (Ice Ice Baby)' The song at the heart of this is brilliant but everything around it is 100% shit, dragging the whole thing down. Imagine a nice birthday cake, but imagine it put in a sack with a dead dog and a brick then chucked in a river. That is what this song is like. |
And that, readers, is what this week's Top 10 should have looked like.
