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PREPARING FOR A POP EMERGENCY: 8‑STEP GUIDE

  • August 12, 2013
  • Popjustice

pj_278

This is not a drill. Lady Gaga has declared a

POPEMERGENCY

Here are eight ways to prepare for impending popocalypse.

1. Stand under a doorframe. Make sure the freaks are on the outside and that you've locked the fucking doors.

2. Listen to 'Bad Romance' a bit, that's a nice song isn't it.

3. Pull together food from the fridge — bacon, sausages, literally anything that will keep you warm.

4. In case of drought, fill your bath with Pop Water.

5. If hyper­vent­il­at­ing, lie on the floor and go "HEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYY".

6. During the POP EMERGENCY, phone networks may go down. If you are out in a club and you're sipping that bub, head home.

7. During a POP EMERGENCY it is natural among any social group for leaders to emerge. Follow the advice of your nearest pop scholar, or failing that anyone who has been making music for ten years. Trust them and only them!

8. The sound of a POP EMERGENCY may be loud and unpleas­ant. Cover your ears only with high quality ear pro­tect­ors. NOT LAPTOP SPEAKERS.

Good luck!

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  • 1
    The 2023 Popjustice Twenty Quid Music Prize: Shortlist
  • 2
    Fine, let's do a Substack then.
  • 3
    The 2022 Popjustice Twenty Quid Music Prize: shortlist
  • 4
    2021 Popjustice Twenty Quid Music Prize: Laura Mvula wins
  • 5
    Sarah Harding
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    "You asked me not to leave, well here I am again"
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