USA V PORTUGAL
Mof Gimmers — Writer and DJ
Josh Kaufman — 'Set Fire To The Rain' (The Voice)
“The United States of America come into this important clash as firm favourites. They’ve given the world the likes of Smokey Robinson, Prince, Britney Spears, Whitney Houston and Alien Ant Farm. Managed by the quite brilliant Usher, Josh Kaufman is prepped to burn so brightly in this tournament that he’ll ‘Set Fire To The Rain’. It seems, this summer, America will be defined by their ambition outstripping any kind of practicality. Kaufman, with his pinched little face, gives a solid performance, if a little bogged down in midfield and missing the creative spark to be considered a contender of any sort.”
Denis Filipe — 'Cryin’' (The Voice)
“Denis Felipe meanwhile is the very definition of someone who let the occasion get to him. Against America’s fine pop pedigree, Felipe’s home country has some people called Candid Branca Flor and The Legendary Tigerman, who completely isn’t legendary at all. Denis, sadly, is trying to do too much — like Cristiano Ronaldo doing a million stepovers and ballooning it into the stand. He aims for the high notes and grins determinedly through a rather old-fashioned style of play. He’s a workhouse with false eyelashes, a sausage rolled in glitter, mutton dressed as a kebab. All the flourishes in the world can't hide the fact that this is a very ordinary man trying to sing his way out of beigeness. The Americans should’ve eased past their opponent, but thanks to two very mediocre performances, the match ends up 1–0 thanks to Portugal scoring a solitary, calamitous own-goal, leaving the Felipe distraught and ‘Cryin’’."
Mof's full time score:
USA 1 — Portugal 0
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Next up: Australia vs Spain and Netherlands vs Chile.