Guest referee:
Mof Gimmers — Writer and DJ

USA32 Josh Kaufman — 'Set Fire To The Rain' (The Voice)

The United States of America come into this important clash as firm favour­ites. They’ve given the world the likes of Smokey Robinson, Prince, Britney Spears, Whitney Houston and Alien Ant Farm. Managed by the quite brilliant Usher, Josh Kaufman is prepped to burn so brightly in this tour­na­ment that he’ll ‘Set Fire To The Rain’. It seems, this summer, America will be defined by their ambition out­strip­ping any kind of prac­tic­al­ity. Kaufman, with his pinched little face, gives a solid per­form­ance, if a little bogged down in midfield and missing the creative spark to be con­sidered a contender of any sort.”

Denis Filipe — 'Cryin’' (The Voice)

Denis Felipe meanwhile is the very defin­i­tion of someone who let the occasion get to him. Against America’s fine pop pedigree, Felipe’s home country has some people called Candid Branca Flor and The Legendary Tigerman, who com­pletely isn’t legendary at all. Denis, sadly, is trying to do too much — like Cristiano Ronaldo doing a million stepovers and bal­loon­ing it into the stand. He aims for the high notes and grins determ­inedly through a rather old-fashioned style of play. He’s a workhouse with false eyelashes, a sausage rolled in glitter, mutton dressed as a kebab. All the flour­ishes in the world can't hide the fact that this is a very ordinary man trying to sing his way out of beigenessThe Americans should’ve eased past their opponent, but thanks to two very mediocre per­form­ances, the match ends up 1–0 thanks to Portugal scoring a solitary, calam­it­ous own-goal, leaving the Felipe dis­traught and ‘Cryin’’."

Mof's full time score:

USA 1 — Portugal 0


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Next up: Australia vs Spain and Netherlands vs Chile.