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Notes On Britney Spears’ Crossroads: Twelve Amazing Moments

  • April 11, 2012
  • Oli Goldman

There are two important Crossroads in pop history: Blazin’ Squad’s unfor­get­table summer 'anthem', and Britney Spears’ debut screen per­form­ance.

It was released in early 2002 and the film's ten-year anniversary  has passed without any mention. UNTIL NOW.

With Britney openly mocking it in her video for 'I Wanna Go', it would be easy to assume that the film deserves its poor repu­ta­tion.

But like most things to do with the 'Someday (I Will Understand)' hitmaker, there are always moments worth thinking about. Here are some of Crossroads’ best bits, or best Brits if you’ll allow us (GET ON WITH IT — ED)

Fig 1: Britney sings and dances along to Madonna’s 'Open Your Heart' in her underwear with a cowboy hat on. Has there ever been a greater opening two minutes in cinema’s history? No. No there has not.

Fig 2: Britney graduates college with her father Dan 'I was in Ghostbusters' Aykroyd beside her. Nice sash.

Fig 3: Britney does a 'saucy' dance to Marvin Gaye’s 'Let’s Get It On'. We’re not even ten minutes into the film and it’s already difficult to imagine it getting any better.

Fig 4: Britney sings along with Justin Timberlake’s voice on 'Bye Bye Bye' (SOUND THE META KLAXON). If you’re not crying at this point you have a cold, cold heart.

Fig 5: Britney sings 'I Love Rock 'N' Roll' in a karaoke bar. Fairly incred­ible.

Fig 6: Britney gets drunk and talks about touching penises. We’ve all been there.

Fig 7: Britney sings along to Shania Twain’s 'Man! I Feel Like A Woman!'. Amazing.

Fig 8: Britney recites a poem by a campfire. The lyrics are remark­ably similar to those of 'I’m Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman'.

Fig 9: Britney, who has spent most of the film looking for her mum, finds out she’s Samantha from Sex And The City.

Fig 10: Britney laughs and looks happy on a beach. That’s because she’s about to LOSE HER VIRGINITY.

Fig 11: There it goes!

Fig 12: Britney — who now is a woman — sings 'I’m Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman' at a talent contest, and the crowd goes wild. And as if that's not enough, she then sings 'Overprotected' as the credits roll.

THE END.

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