There are reasons to feel sorry for Eoghan Quigg and there are reasons not to feel sorry for Eoghan Quigg and there are reasons to go "Christ alive what sort of world are we living in where a so-called popstar's greatest hope is that people feel somehow sorry for him" but if there's one thing more boring than an album of tedious cover versions it's a teenage singer becoming a whipping boy for an entire industry. So as the full awfulness of Eoghan's debut album continues to send shock­waves through the music business we now make a call for calm.

» You have THREE DAYS to use 'Quigg' as a sub­sti­tute for 'shit'. ("I went to see a film but the ending was well quigg", "I'd give it five minutes — someone's just done a massive quigg" etc.)

» You have THREE DAYS to tell everyone how stag­ger­ingly bad the album is, to suggest they listen to it on Spotify in order to com­pre­hend its badness etc.

» You have THREE DAYS to discuss Eoghan's future career.

After that — and the amnesty ends at midnight on Saturday — let's all just agree not to mention Eoghan again until he releases an amazing single. Right? Right.