Chipmunk — 'Oopsy Daisy'
This track sounds brilliant on the radio. QUIZ TIME. Guess who was at one point mooted to be doing the guest vocals on this. Go on. Guess. You'll never guess. Well you might guess. Any ideas? Go on. We'll give you three guesses. No, it wasn't her. Two guesses left. No, not her, although she would have been a good call. One guess left. Go on. Have a guess.
Crazy Loop — 'Crazy Loop (Mm Ma Ma)'
This is Dan 'Dan' Balan from O‑Zone and it is 100% ridiculous.
It has already been Number One in Romania.
Young Soul Rebels 'I Got Soul'
This song performs three useful functions. Firstly, the reimagined version of The Killers' 'All These Things That I've Done' is good in its own right (although a couple of portions are slightly ropey). Secondly, it annoys serious Killers fans who, feeling rather threatened after that absolute dog of a last Killers album, are in a state of panic, running around bleating "oh dear oh no the world is going to end my favourite song has been butchered by 'urban' and 'pop' people". Thirdly, if you buy it it will make everything that is bad in the world suddenly become good, because that is how charity records work. In fact that's not how it works at all — it's really just about awareness so perhaps you don't need to even buy the song, you just need to be aware that it exists. And having read this far you're already aware of its existence. Your work here is done.
They haven't gone on record with this yet as it's a touchy issue but Island are using Ladyhawke to pioneer a new approach to selling music. As other labels move away from the strict album format Island are sticking with it, experimenting with the idea of an artist who records only one album in four years but somehow still manages to tour solidly and release a single every four and a half months. This is achieved through the clever use of remixes, re-releases, soft releases, full releases and vague sort of half-releases which nobody's ever sure really happened or not. At the end of this four year period — we must already be about halfway into it — the one album is retitled and repromoted as 'The Greatest Hits'. Anyway 'Magic' is brilliant but the video is fairly bad.
Marina & The Diamonds 'Mowgli's Road'
This is Marina's first 'proper' single so this is the one people will be really 'keeping an eye on' and if it does reasonably well everyone will say "well obviously I've been tipping her as a one to watch for some time now" but if it doesn't do well everyone will run around going "oh well it was never going to work, obviously they did the whole thing totally wrong as I was saying all along, I saw this a mile off". The song is basically incredible so at the end of the day, as usual, music is the winner.
The new Stereophonics album sampler still sits on our desk, unlistened-to. But here is a YouTube clip of the band performing this new single in a live environment.
Although this clip may not showcase the full studio magic of the polished radio edit we can safely say that 'Innocent' will not be Stereophonics' fourth good song. OH BOO HOO WHAT A GLIB 'REVIEW' AND WHAT USELESS SO-CALLED 'JOURNALISM' WHY DON'T YOU WRITE ANOTHER RUBBISH SONG ABOUT IT THEN KELLY YOU MASSIVE TIT.
Alesha Dixon ' To Love Again'
This song is having a weird effect on us. Every time we hear it it sounds slightly better, but with every listen we feel less inclined to deliberately listen to it. It's as if it's getting closer and further away at the same time, like the concept of true happiness.
Taio Cruz feat Ke$ha — 'Dirty Picture'
As Christmas approaches, what really says 'birth of Jesus' better than a single in which Taio Cruz demands, repeatedly, that Ke$ha sends him an MMS featuring a photo of her tits? It's alright though, it's not sexist because she asks him to send a photo of his cock as well. It's fine. The song begins with Taio explaining that "I could dream of ways to see you, I could close my eyes to dream, I could fantasise about you, tell the world what I believe, but whenever I'm not with you it's so hard for me to see. I want to see a picture of you, a special picture just for me." There is only one thing for it. "Take a dirty picture for me take a dirty picture just take a dirty picture for me take a dirty picture just send a dirty picture to me send a dirty picture just send a dirty picture to me send a dirty picture picture picture picture picture". This is basically a song about wanking.