We've researched Calvin Harris Facebook groups so you don't have to. Here's what we've discovered…
I Fucking Hate Calvin Harris
A classic of the genre, 'I Fucking Hate…' has proved reasonably popular but lacks depth or real emotion.
Calvin Harris Is A Wee Legend
This seems to be about the Scottish word for 'small' rather than a description of his talent for watersports, but who can say?
Does Calvin Harris really mean what he says in his recent hit?
The group notes: "In Calvin Harris's recent song (Acceptable in the 80's), Calvin insists
that he has love and hugs for all those born in the 80's. I personally
believe that Calvin doesn't really, not if he thinks about it. This
group has therefore been formed to suggest those born in the 80's that
Calvin might not really want to give love and hugs to. If you have any
suggestions please write them on the wall. It is my hope that we can
gather a comprehensive enough list to send Calvin so that he may add
some exceptions when next performing this song". 8/10
Calvin Harris' Soulless Music Makes Me Happy
"A group for people who have also either gone and bought "i created disco" or enjoyed the so far released singles." We like the idea of not basing one's enjoyment of music on whether it has 'soul' or not but still referencing its lack of soul in relation to that enjoyment. 'Soulless' — a good word for every self-loathing pop fan.
Charlie Quinn Looks Like Calvin Harris Foundation
Based on pictorial evidence we can exclusively announce that Charlie Quinn does NOT look like Calvin Harris.
Calvin Harris must die
Description: 'self explanatory'. In a topic titled 'Best Way to kill Calvin Harris', 'forklift to the face' is nominated.
I saw calvin harris in urban outfitters!!!!
Calvin Harris is a cunt
Another classic of the genre. "His music, his voice, his face. It all screams cuntiness."
AMERICA, I WAS THE FIRST TO DISCOVER AND LISTEN TO CALVIN HARRIS!
"Calvin Harris may NOT go mainstream in the US! The US doesn't deserve to listen to Calvin once he goes mainstream!"
I SECRETLY LUST AFTER CALVIN HARRIS
The group summary notes, rather optimistically, that this is "even if you're not a girl or you're not into boys".
Calvin Harris is a musical genius
The comments on this group reveal a lone voice of dissent. "saw calvin at frevolution in newcastle last monday!! werent too
impressed to be honest i left early and went to watch maximo park." Oof!
Calvin Harris for President
Sadly this is a different Calvin Harris.
Calvin Harris should have been shot in the 80s
Because children being murdered is always fun. Cheers for that.
There you go.