Bloody hell readers, take a look at this compilation album tracklisting.
This is an actual album that has actually been released by an actual record label.
What, you might be wondering, could possibly link this broadly mediocre selection of tunes? And why would someone look at this list of songs and think, 'OH AT LAST JUST AS I WAS ABOUT TO GIVE UP HOPE HERE IS THE ALBUM TRACKLISTING I HAVE BEEN WANTING ALL MY LIFE, HOW DID IT TAKE SO LONG FOR YAZZ AND THE LIGHTHOUSE FAMILY TO BE ON THE SAME ALBUM AS THE NOISETTES'?
Well think about it — you can move around while all all those songs are playing!
That is why the compilation they are on is called 'Get Fit'. "The music sequencing," blurbs the blurb, "ensures a steady pace of training, quickening as it progresses, and then finishing with a wind down period at the end. Inside, an informative fold out poster booklet gives you useful training tips!"
Someone also decided that chucking a load of rubbish even iTunes Genius wouldn't put into a 'workout mix' with a view to flogging a few albums to fools in January was not enough of an opportunistic old rope moment.
So — and if you are easily offended by stock photography look away now — it is "in association with London 2012".
The thing is, some people are going to see this and think, 'oh that looks good'. And then they will buy it. Do you know one of these people? Are you perhaps related to one of them? Do not give them a Christmas present this year. They have been very, very naughty.