An authority to preach and teach the whole world about ecology

As well as revealing how few of the biggest singers in the world are actually capable of holding a tune in an I Am Not A Plastic Bag, Live Earth was essential viewing for fans of pop pomposity.

Pick of the bunch, we reckon, was Phil Collins. "This song is mildly appro­pri­ate for today," he said, intro­du­cing 'Land Of Confusion'. Don't let the disin­genu­ous 'mildly' bit throw you off the scent: Phil really thought this was his moment. He's probably been burning car tyres in his back garden since 1986, des­per­ately attempt­ing to bring about some sort of Live Earth-type event simply so that 'Land Of Confusion' could chime through­out the world inspiring millions of people to consider its Very Important Lyrics.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrRSaPqYYk0

Obviously, the only time 'Land Of Confusion' genuinely was relevant was when Alcazar whacked a Diana Ross riff over the top of it and chucked in a dance routine.

At least Bono wasn't there, we suppose.