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Today is Black Friday, the massive discount shopping day that has made its way over from America to the UK. This means that many of us are spending the day fighting over hoovers in Asda or refresh­ing our web browsers incess­antly until the 40%-off electric tooth­brush pops up on Amazon.

What does this mean for pop? Well, not much. But that won’t stop me! I'm taking part no matter what, right? Right. So here is my Black Friday Extravaganza playlist. It is quite literally 11 songs that feature the word ‘black’ in the title.

I have also given them arbitrary ratings.

Girls Aloud – Black Jacks

With ‘Black Jacks’ Girls Aloud showed us that pop music could have a bit of a weird 60s vibe without venturing into Duffy territory and could, therefore, be quite exciting. So, in that respect, this song is good. However, it’s not ‘Call The Shots’, is it?

Does the song feature a lyric about shopping? No, it doesn’t.

Could you listen to this while in Tesco? Yes you could, and it could make the whole exper­i­ence quite enjoyable.

Would it make you feel calm in a pan­de­monium checkout situation? The intro­duc­tion may help you feel calm, but as soon as girls start yelling around 1:12 mark you might get a little flustered.

Black Friday rating: 7/10

Charli XCX – ‘Black Roses’

Purple and scarred” Charli XCX sings at the beginning of ‘Black Roses’, and really that’s how you might end up after a Black Friday scrum.

Does the song feature a lyric about shopping? No, it doesn’t.

Could you listen to this while in Tesco? You’re unlikely to hear this one on a supermarket’s internal radio station, but if you had a nice pair of head­phones and an MP3 device it could lighten up the con­di­ments aisle.

Would it make you feel calm in a pan­de­monium checkout situation? I think maybe not.

Black Friday rating: 5/10

All Saints – ‘Black Coffee’

With William Orbit on pro­duc­tion duties, ‘Black Coffee’ is the soothing antidote that, so far, we’ve been looking for. With wah-wahing guitars and watery elec­tron­ics it’s all quite lovely.

Does the song feature a lyric about shopping? No, it doesn’t (I'm slightly regret­ting asking this question of every song but it's too late to stop now).

Could you listen to this while in Tesco? Yes you really could. Food shopping can be stressful, and this would warm you up in the freezer aisle. You’re also quite likely to hear this on a super­mar­ket radio station.

Would it make you feel calm in a pan­de­monium checkout situation? Absolutely, yes.

Black Friday rating: 8/10

Amy Winehouse – ‘Back To Black’

One of the more famous songs in recent memory to feature ‘black’ in the title, ‘Back To Black’s wall-of-sound pro­duc­tion, vocals and that incred­ible tam­bour­ine helped make Amy Winehouse a household name the world over. What a woman.

Does the song feature a lyric about shopping? No, it doesn’t.

Could you listen to this while in Tesco? Surely every trip to Tesco would benefit from a whizz around with your trolley to the soundtrack of ‘Back To Black’.

Would it make you feel calm in a pan­de­monium checkout situation? In some respects this song is quite calming with its repet­it­ive rhythms, however the anguish in Amy’s voice might make you wobble slightly.

Black Friday rating: 6/10 

Stooshe – ‘Black Heart’

Black Heart’ is perfect radio fodder, but was this really what Stooshe wanted? Was it what any of us wanted? Poor Stooshe.

Does the song feature a lyric about shopping? No (OF COURSE).

Could you listen to this while in Tesco? Weeping into your reduced section meal-for-one, yes.

Would it make you feel calm in a pan­de­monium checkout situation? Absolutely not.

Black Friday rating: 4/10

Michael Jackson – ‘Black Or White’

There’s something so joyous and com­pletely effort­less about Michael Jackson’s ‘Black Or White’, isn’t there?

Does the song feature a lyric about shopping? No, obviously.

Could you listen to this while in Tesco? Absolutely, but you might get in trouble or knock over a display due to some foot-tapping action.

Would it make you feel calm in a pan­de­monium checkout situation? Not only would it make you feel calm, but you would appoint yourself the peace­maker among all the madness.

Black Friday rating: 9/10

Sam Sparro – ‘Black And Gold’

While the religious sen­ti­ments of this song might be a bit ‘prob­lem­atic’ for some, there’s something to be said about this song’s rather enjoyable syn­thes­izers, and I still like the video’s blackness and goldness.

Does the song feature a lyric about shopping? No it doesn’t, but it could read like a long list of things that Sam wants to buy from the shops, for example fishes and stars.

Could you listen to this while in Tesco? It seems like ‘Black And Gold’ might be a bit dis­tract­ing while trying to pick up some eggs, so no.

Would it make you feel calm in a pan­de­monium checkout situation? Again, you might get dis­trac­ted, and therefore lose your place in the queue. Nightmare.

Black Friday rating: 5/10

Lady Gaga – ‘Black Jesus † Amen Fashion’

:(

Does the song feature a lyric about shopping? No, but it’s sort of about fashion and Lady Gaga does mention some rather streets, such as ‘Broadway’, and streets often have shops on them.

Could you listen to this while in Tesco? Not really, no.

Would it make you feel calm in a pan­de­monium checkout situation? Not at all. No way. No.

Black Friday rating: 3/10

Texas – ‘Black Eyed Boy’

This is a good song, isn’t it? Happy 25th Birthday Texas.

Does it feature a lyric about shopping? There’s no way of spinning this one. No, it doesn’t.

Could you listen to this while in Tesco? Absolutely, and if you haven’t already done this in your life go out and do it and then come back to finish reading this.

Would it make you feel calm in a pan­de­monium checkout situation? The strings, the tam­bour­ine and that chorus might be excite­ment overload in this situation, so I would avoid it.

Black Friday rating: 5/10

Booty Luv – ‘Black Widow’

This boat-filled video is fun and this song is pretty much a 9/10 that has two choruses.

Does it feature a lyric about shopping? This song really should feature a lyric about ‘hitting the shops’. Maybe something about labels and diamonds. However, it doesn’t and we’ll have to live with that.

Could you listen to this while in Tesco? It’s a bit too ‘main room at G-A-Y’ for Tesco.

Would it make you feel calm in a pan­de­monium checkout situation? Categorically no. In fact, you might do yourself or someone else some serious damage listening to this while battling for a 52” TV.

Black Friday rating: 2/10

Sia – ‘Dressed In Black’

This enor­mobal­lad is a highlight from Sia’s ‘1000 Forms of Fear’ and is generally Sia at her best. Massive chorus, tick; incom­pre­hens­ibly lyrics, tick; suitably dark themes, tick.

Does it feature a lyric about shopping? So, there are not direct ref­er­ences to shopping, but Sia does say she’s dressed in black and she must have had to go to the shops to buy this outfit, and she may have even made use of the Black Friday sales. So YES!

Could you listen to this while in Tesco? Absolutely, yes while you cry in the dips section.

Would it make you feel calm in a pan­de­monium checkout situation? It might do as you empathise with the songs lyrics with your “broken heart and spirit”. But that’s what you get for going out to the Black Friday sales.

Black Friday rating: 9/10

Well, that was fun (entirely pointless).