Guess what: 2014's been a really, really brilliant year for singles. There's been audacity, stupidity, excitement, drama, booming and clapping. There have been surprise hits and predictable bangers. There have been songs about crying, dancing, light fittings, having a big arse, riverbanks, getting off your tits and — finally — funk of the uptown variety.
It's all been rather splendid.
Don't believe us? Just watch…
45 Tiesto feat Matthew Koma — 'Wasted'
"I like us better when we're wasted, It makes it easier to fake it. The only time we really talk is when our clothes are coming off." Poetry. Poetry is what that is. Some radio stations played a version in which 'wasted' was 'naked'. That worked too.
44 Tiaan — 'Devil's Touch'
Tiaan released a number of songs in 2014 and this was the best by some distance. Don't be fooled by the modest production — this tune is a total beast.
43 Rixton — 'Me & My Broken Heart'
A song that felt instantly familiar; a song so expertly crafted that it felt like we'd known it for years. As it turned out, we had — Rob Thomas released it in 2005 — but 'Me & My Broken Heart' was still an extremely banging debut single.
42 Rashelle — 'Nod Ya Head'
Imagine if Cheryl had whacked out something like this — instead of the trumpety mess that was 'Crazy Stupid Love' — as her 2014 comeback single.
41 Mapei — 'Don't Wait'
It was a bit "get The Blogs on red alert, there's a Quality Artist coming through", but 'Don't Wait' is as distinctive and as beautiful at the end of 2014 as it was nearer the start.
40 Beyoncé — 'Drunk In Love'
We woke up on December 16 2013 wondering 'how the hell did this shit happen'; 'Pretty Hurts' seemed like an early choice for best song on the album but 'Drunk In Love' was a popgeist-defining jam for the duration of 2014, so here it is in the Top 45 list.
39 Kiesza — 'No Enemiesz'
Basically, it's 'Hideaway' PLUS a massive hands-in-the-air pop bit. (If you are going to click play on the video above, please face away from your screen while the song is playing because this has to be one of the very worst videos of the entire year.)
38 Katy Perry feat Juicy J — 'Dark Horse'
We've said it before, we'll say it again many times before the Grim Reaper finally comes for us, we're about to say it right now: if this had a proper chorus rather than just an amazing pre-chorus, the song would be unstoppable. As it is, it stops at Number 38. Which seems relatively low for a song as excellent as this, but what you need to remember here ladies and gents is that the standard has been extremely high this year. We didn't even realise how high the standard had been until we started knocking this list together.
37 Ariana Grande feat Iggy Azalea — 'Problem'
Would have been in our Top 10 without the annoying whispery bit.
36 Tkay Maidza — 'U‑Huh'
It felt like a world-demolishing superstar had arrived when this appeared in July. Tkay released some other bits this year, none of which were anywhere near as good as 'U‑Huh', so she needs to get her act together in 2015 because there's something potentially brilliant happening here.
35 Meghan Trainor — 'All About That Bass'
This would have been about twelve places higher had the song not been ruined forever by the double whammy of a laughably basic follow-up single and a disastrous performance on the X Factor final. Still, Meghan was one of the writers on Fifth Harmony's mighty 'Sledgehammer', so she may still prove useful. ('Sledgehammer' is not eligible for this list as it was not released as a proper UK single. Do not get us started on that one.)
34 Calvin Harris — 'Summer'
"If it ain't broke, don't fix it." That's something people say a lot when it comes to pop. Actually, a more pertinent phrase is this: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it immediately, but definitely do consider fixing it or at least taking it in for a service before the wheels all fall off and everyone dies." We think Calvin Harris' pop vehicle would probably fail its MOT at this stage but it still goes like the clappers when he's got his foot down and [ATTENTION PLEASE: THIS ENTRY HAS BEEN CLOSED BY THE METAPHOR POLICE, PLEASE STEP AWAY FROM THE CRIME SCENE]
33 5 Seconds Of Summer — 'Don't Stop'
This is just brilliant from beginning to end. If you have sensitive eyes please do not watch the opening sequence of this video because you can clearly, quite deliberately see the outline of one of their dicks and that's just not on.
32 Future Islands — 'Seasons (Waiting For You)'
Quite enough has been written about this song during 2014 and almost every word we've read has somehow managed to drain a little bit of excitement and magic from this extraordinary tune, so we'll just say this: imagine Swifto on vocals.
31 Tinashe — '2 On'
Strange, isn't it, how something that seems so uneventful can in fact be so amazing.