Would this very emailed-around and YouTubed-about and retweeted clip become a hit?
Would Chris Moyles start hammering the track every morning on Radio One, or would it fall to Scott Mills to hammer it every afternoon?
Would it save the whales?
Would Lady Gaga acknowledge the song or refuse to dignify its existence at all?
If Gaga did acknowledge the song would she permit the lyric changes and, if she did, would "I don't give a crap about whales so go and hug a tree (I love it)" become a late entry for Popular Offensive Playground Diss of 2009?
We don't know, do we, we're not psychic.