Let's use a crudely scrawled cock and balls to spoil the ballot paper of recycled news:

» Louis Walsh says Jedward are "going to be so big this year, mark my words". (Digital Spy) Mark them with what, Louis? A grave­stone reading 'HERE LIES POP MUSIC 1950s — 2010, MESSILY KILLED BY LOUIS WALSH'?

» Daily Star gossip vixen Kim Dawson has listened to some of Christina Aguilera's album and finds some positive things to say. (Daily Star)

» Diana Vickers and Plan B are 'battling it out' for the albums chart Number One. (NME)

» Lady Gaga performed 'Alejandro' on American Idol last night. (YouTube) There has been some hoo-ha about Idol cutting the per­form­ance for broadcast.

» Kylie's songs will be made into a new musical, pre­sum­ably the same one first reported on in 2008. (Daily Star) Much as we are a fan of warbling pop sensation Kylie Minogue we require some con­vin­cing that this will be extremely good.

And that is your lot.