Last night on The Big Reunion, the six groups got back together and began rehearsals in earnest as the deadline for their London comeback show loomed ever closer. There were tears, bum-notes and recriminations aplenty.
But I have something much more exciting to write about…
A couple of weeks ago I wrote a thing about how Abs/z from Five is by far the best and most watchable element of the show. It ended up going a bit ‘viral’, to use the modern parlance, proving that I wasn’t the only one who had fallen head over heels for the 'Stop Sign' hitmaker's bizarre life stories and inimitable pearls of wisdom.
Shortly after the article went online, I received a message from his girlfriend Vicky — once of early 00s pop trio Smoke2Seven – who revealed that the man himself had been made aware of my humble tribute. Not only that, but he was so touched that he had decided to send me a gift. Needless to say, I was equal parts excited and terrified.
Days passed and nothing arrived. I figured Abs/z and Vicky’s message had been at best a passing fancy and at worst a cruel joke. UNTIL YESTERDAY, when I received an artfully duct-taped box in the mail, containing nothing less than the iconic Rainbow Unicorn Hat!
I have literally never been happier.
To me, this is a classic example of why Abs/z is the star of The Big Reunion. Shows like this are often set up to make it easy to laugh at the arrogance and delusions of faded stars, but it would take a cold heart indeed not to warm to Abs/z.
His warmth, boundless enthusiasm and total lack of pretension shine through in his every appearance onscreen – he can only be who he is, and who he is, is amazing. And, it transpires, very generous with his headwear.
The Unicorn hat had a starring role in last night’s show, as it rightfully took pride of place throughout his dance rehearsals – to the extent that I feel a little bit guilty about claiming it before the Arena tour begins.
Anyway, if you're interested, other highlights of the show included:
- Kerry Katona requiring pre-recorded assistance during the spoken word bit of 'Whole Again'.
- Abs/z displaying his trademark sensitivity on the touchy subject of Lee 911 and Lindsay B*witched’s recent separation: "Shit! That’s fresh…"
- DRAMA as Liz from Atomic Kitten contracts tonsillitis (for about five minutes, after which it is never mentioned again).
- Edele from B*Witched in no way throwing her weight around during rehearsals. On sharing the vocal parts with the other girls: "They’re going, 'Can I have that bit?' Yes, you can have it." "Catapult, right back to 1998!" exclaims a traumatised Keavy.
- The slightly terrifying passive-aggression of Sean from Five: "In the old days there was always a demon there. I’m just looking forward to meeting him again… And smashing him to pieces."
Next week, more rehearsals, even more Five/Four drama and a SHOCK PLOT TWIST as Blue gatecrash the tour at the last minute, for no apparent reason and despite having been technically reunited for years.
"I really don’t want to bow down to the altar of Blue," moans Kevin from Liberty X. It is a worry…