Well it's been about three weeks since we introduced you to ReConnected, the boyband being launched by Duncan Bannatyne's record label. They're currently on tour with Little Mix.
First, some housekeeping.
1. We noted in the first piece that Bannatyne Music was an amazing name for a record label, but it was later suggested by people on Twitter that better names would have been Bannatunes or Stop! Bannatyne. We accept that these names would both be better than Bannatyne Music and apologise for offence caused.
2. We said they were aged 14–15 but this was based on old information and they are, in fact, aged 16–18. This officially makes them Old Enough To Know Better. Yet somehow, they do not. Anyway we got that wrong so apols.
3. We also said that ReConnected were basically not that good. "They're trying to make it doing what they love, so who are you to criticize exactly?" queried Jono MacGregor in the comments. "Twats," offered Shannon Maddocks. "There is nothing wrong them … You need to back off and let them live their dream." Sofeena Yates was equally impressed with our coverage, offering: "Stupid fucking twats you don't know anything about them so why judge them?"
Why judge them? It's a good question.
First, let's look at a YouTube clip that appeared a few days ago. Here we find ReConnected performing at a Minster FM roadshow. The song? A cover of Dan Hill's 'Sometimes When We Touch' which however you look at it (or listen to it) is one of the greatest songs of all time.
We'd probably buy that for 79p if it was on iTunes, but it's not so we won't, and really it's quite bad. So now we come back to the question: why judge them?
Well, we could spend a long time answering, but we'll try to keep it brief.
We are judging the band a bit. They're shit. But mainly — as is often the way in pop — it's not really the band members themselves we are judging. Whether they're 14 or 18, the video you've just seen is not really their fault. If people support you and tell you you're good, you just go along with them. If you're given the chance to be a popstar, you take it, right? Well most people would. It would take a strong character to stand up and go: "You are offering me a record deal and a chance of stardom but I will decline thanks all the same because I really don't think I'm up to the job." That's not how it works, obviously.
So we're not really judging ReConnected.
Here are the people we are judging.
- Their families and friends.
- Their management.
- Their publicists.
- Their producers.
- Their stylists.
- Duncan Bannatyne.
- Everyone who has worked with this band, taken money out of the project in some way and not told Max Harry and Matt that they're just not good enough to the point where it's embarrassing and yes we know everyone has to put food on the table but there comes a point where you're just being a shady, borderline exploitative shit.
We leave you with this.
The 36 Best Versions Of 'Sometimes When We Touch' On Spotify
WHAT. A. SONG.