[youtube]zixQYDeRtzI[/youtube] The new Kylie video (above — also viewable via Kylie.com) is a lovely per­voramic pop moment. Here is a quick rundown of what happens in it.
1. I should be so latte
This clearly isn't actually a latte but not to worry. Note that although 'All The Lovers' is being released in 2010 this video is clearly set in 2008, hence the 'period detail' of the QR code. The general idea here is that something exciting is happening and someone is so excited by the exciting thing that they have dropped their drink.
2. Tears on my mallow
Something exciting continues to happen, this time prompting marsh­mal­lows to be dropped. Marshmallows falling to the ground is a less used cinematic con­ven­tion the reason for this being that nobody really carries open packets of marsh­mal­lows around with them.
3. (We're not sure what this is)
We did this screen­grab by mistake. We think it's a lady taking her top off but it could really be anything. Sorry readers this is a shambles. We bet Anna Pickard never has these problems.
4. I briefcase in you
Briefcases are pro­grammed to open auto­mat­ic­ally in the event of an inter­est­ing thing happening. You can't see in this screen­grab but those papers are actually a top-secret 300-page dossier on the decision not to release 'The One' as the first single off 'X'.
5. Better the dove-il you know
Here Kylie is atop a mountain of writhing bodies, com­ple­men­ted by some doves. Dove is a good reference point here as this does look a bit like an advert for some soap.
6. Floating around
From this point forward, until sometime in the middle of next week, all new pop videos can and must be judged on whether or not they contain huge inflat­able elephants.
7. Give me just a little more time
This is Dannii arriving late.
9. Equiner feelings
HORSE ON THE LOOSE HORSE ON THE LOOSE. (This is a real horse not an inflat­able one.)
10. Where is the ceiling
Kylie's heap o' lovers continues to get higher and higher (a bit like in the song — do you see).
12. Something about a dove
The video ends with Kylie releasing a dove, a bit like that spooky Michael Jackson fan who released doves outside the courtroom when it turned out Michael hadn't been involved in any funny business and was instead just very mis­un­der­stood.

Well that 'amusing irrev­er­ent look' at the new Kylie video wasn't as good as we were expecting it to be.