Imagine the Peter Andre album sleeve reborn as a Madonna video

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JFVfc1inVk

This spec­tac­u­larly toe-curling pro­mo­tional clip for the new Madonna single features Jesus Luz and Paul Oakenfold in the least con­vin­cing 'club scene' this side of a Holby City ecstasy storyline. It misses the mark so massively that it seems almost as if it has been dropped from a great height and blown away from its natural grav­it­a­tional target by the wind, like a turd from a giraffe's bumhole. This clip is undoubtedly one of the least cool things we have ever seen, and we've seen Razorlight live. 

By the way, you see all those 'club kids' in the back­ground? The same ones in this short promo clip?

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QiBt-sYK7Y

None of them — not one — would buy the new Madonna single. Which is a shame because it's mostly really good, but still. NOT ONE OF THEM.