Now then. We appreciate that Taio Cruz is dealing with whole "ooh what an exciting life he must lead etc" world of super-aspirational pop tunesmithery.
We are also aware that his longevity, particularly in America, hinges on an ability to convincingly appear glamorous and somehow beyond the reach of the average listener.
We also accept that it is also important for Taio to show an awareness of brands brands brands brands, what with his whole Rokstarr range and so on.
But there has to be a point where we all put our collective foot down and say NO TAIO THIS LINE IN YOUR HIT SINGLE 'DYNAMITE' IS NOT ACCEPTABLE.
Obviously it sounded quite ridiculous on first listen, as lyrics often do. They seem odd or contrived or clunky, but over time, and with repeated listens, they start to make sense. Sometimes they stop being words and just become sounds that feel like they're woven into the fabric of the song, or noises that accompany other instruments. Not here. Not with Taio. Not with 'Dynamite'. Not here, not now, not ever. And today is the day when we stand up and say 'Christ on a bike Taio "I'm wearing all my favourite brands brands brands brands" is a monumentally bad pop lyric, don't do it again'.
And when you think about it, it's not too late to change the lyrics. It might be a US chart topper and it might be all over UK radio, and there might be 7m views of the video on YouTube, but think how long 'Candle In The Wind' was around for and they got away with changing the lyrics to that. In fact, it sent the song back to Number One!
Food for thought there, Taio. Food for thought.
Other things about this song:
1. Taio Cruz sings 'dynamite' as if it is spelt 'dynomite'. What a clot.
2. It has the best plinky hands in the air piano riff of 2010 — a riff so amazing that it may soon replace the weirdo electro part of 'Miss You Bow Wow' as the official Popjustice ringtone.
3. The bit in the video where he sings "I throw my hands up in the air sometimes" and throws his hand up in the air at that specific time is POPULAR MUSIC GOLD.
4. The bit at 3:16 where it looks like someone has set fire to a super-charged Taiofart is quite exciting too.
That is all.