Over on Twitter quite good pop 'chanteuse' Lily Allen has confirmed that her forthcoming retirement is "retirement from writing, recording and touring under the name 'Lily Allen'".
Well we're not going to lie, readers, this isn't exactly what we were hoping for. With any luck this will be a bit like in Se7en (and every other American film involving law enforcement) when Morgan Freeman was going to retire in order to sit around the house wanking all day or whatever it is people do when there's retired but then people started getting bummed with swords or whatever the plot was and he had to solve 'one last case' etc etc etc. Hopefully Lily will have 'one more case' (any by this we mean a proper album not a rubbish gig in a field with Jay‑Z) before she retires meaning 'one more album for the fanz' etc then her label can chuck out a cash-in greatest hits twelve months later and then everyone can be happy.
Alternatively, if 'Allo' will stop writing, recording and touring as Lily Allen but will start writing, recording and touring as something else, that's alright too. For example if she wanted to form a DUO with ANOTHER LADY that would be great. Actually that would probably be shit. But she could do something as a different sort of 'pop proposition' and that'd be okay. Perhaps she could be the singer in a band or something, and perhaps the band could have a talkative lead guitarist so Lily wouldn't have to do all the press interviews and therefore wouldn't be the sole target for an entire internet's worth of LOL-happy bellends shouting "YOU'RE SHIT YOU'RE SHIT YOU'RE SHIT WHY ARE YOU SO SHIT" at her all day on Twitter and 'the like'.
What we are saying here readers is that if Lily Allen properly retires from pop music now and doesn't carry on being a popstrel in some way shape or form we are going to be really quite unhappy.