We're well into Q4 already and the Christmas tunes are landing in the release schedule like plastic-bagged giblets in a kitchen bin. THIS SAID, there are still more than six weeks until the big day so it's time for the pop world to pull its fucking finger out and get on with some more Christmas futureclassics.
And three we'd like to see are:
Christmas songs haven't escaped the attentions of the electronic dance music 'community' but what we really need at this point is a breakout Christmas hit.
All you'd really need here is a festive reswizzle of a previous Avicii hit along the lines of 'Wake Me Up (On Christmas Morning)' with Britney taking the Aloe Blacc role. Swap out banjos for church bells, chuck in a choir and it's happy days.
If Avicii would prefer to work on a more traditional Yuletide tune for his surefire Christmas Number One we would like to suggest the following titles:
- 'O Little Town Of BethlEDM'
- 'Little Donkii'
- 'All I Want For Christmas Is You (To Supply The Topline And Do The Guest Vocals But I Won't Credit You Properly When It Comes Out)'
- That 's it
We discussed this on Twitter the other day and, having given it further thought, we think that a Nicki Minaj Christmas banger is definitely what pop needs.
Some of the suggestions that came out out of our Twitter chat include 'Oh Come All Ye Faithful On A Cone', 'Bastin feat Kanye West', 'Away In A Minajer', 'Stupid Ho Ho Ho', 'Rudolph Reloaded', 'Elvez In The Trap' and 'I Saw Mommy Having Sex In The Lounge With Santa Claus'.
Whatever the title, the song should be a full-on RedOne-produced 'Starships'-style fiasco whose middle eight features Roman and his mother having a tense exchange of views on Christmas morning.
J.Lo and Pitbull
Yes, yes, we know what you're thinking. "A J.Lo and Pitbull song is for the summer months only! This would not work in the hitherto off-limits Q4 period! Stop the madness!"
Well we say this: let's throw caution to the wind. Let's cast aside outdated notions about when Pitbull and J.Lo can and cannot collaborate. Let's make a change this Christmas, and in doing so create real, tangible change for future Christmas release schedules, and future generations. Let's have a revolution. History is made by those who say no, and Christmastory is made by those who say HO HO HO.
So there you have it. 3X Christmas singles that could still happen before the December 25 deadline.