The Top 45 Singles Of 2012

And the awards for Most Crap Aspect Ratio In A Mainstream Pop Video, Best Sliding Around On The Sides Of Your Feet Dance Move, Most Unconvincing Portrayal Of 'Manliness' In The Introduction To A Pop Video, Best Deployment Of Dubstep Gloomwobble In A Pop Song and Most Exciting 'L‑L-L-L-L-L-Lo, L‑L-L-L-L-L-Lo, L‑L-L-L-L-L-Love me' Moment, as well as the special award for Well At Least The Guest Rap Isn't Flo Rida, go to:

We first heard this euphoric shower of splen­did­ness when it was featured on the Gildas & Jerry Kitsuné Soleil Mix com­pil­a­tion thing, and it made us feel a bit funny. We sort of kept it together until the chorus hit and then everything just went mental. Not exactly a chart smash, but one of 2012's biggest pop moments, and the Mighty Mouse mix is ace too.

Not a hit in the UK and for that you, we and the rest of this shitshow we laughably call 'humanity' must HANG OUR HEADS. This is Cameron's Britain. And it stinks.

Imagining 2012 without 'Losing You' is like imagining Skrillex without earplugs. We can't believe this work of total beauty is only at Number 12 in our list but the next eleven singles are pretty great, so don't panic.

"This is exhausting."

This could have been in the Top 5, but the lyrics just aren't good enough and the "ah ah" bit at 1:01 is just lazy space­filling. Some tough love for you there, readers. And those are the only problems. The rest is incen­di­ary, but our favourite bits are the whip­cracks, the 'Bad Romance'-style alien invasion sound effects, the boshing drum bit at the end of the second verse, and of course the "FOLLOW THE LEADER!" bit that appears just when you think things can't get any more exciting.

You see Girls Aloud, you can rhyme 'face-in' with 'basin' and sit around in a stately jome all you like, but this is how you do a ballad in 2012.

We haven't heard Robbie this desperate for a hit since the late-90s. Desperation suits him.

When we first wrote about this song at the end of 2011 we said something about it being the sort of song they don't really make in the UK any more. Maybe that's why it stood out so much. MAYBE THE UK SHOULD JUST MAKE MORE SONGS LIKE THIS.

In a way readers there is a small part of each of us that was lost and has been found thanks to the power of dancing and the power of love. It says something about the high standard of pop in Sweden that this was entered for 2012's Melodifestivalen and didn't even win.