The whole "boo hoo someone said they didn't like my jumper once" 'narrative' for female pop artists has really been run into the ground and one can't help but feel that in many cases it's faintly sexist: women may only veer from the supposed 'norm' if they release songs about internal strength, while Ed Sheeran walks free. But we'll let 'Wings' off due to its great clappy bits.
This song is fucking great. Insane, satirical, provocative, danceable and completely at home to Mr Wobbly Ravenoise. And how about this for a lyric: "I can't believe anyone could ever call me superficial." "Yeah, I mean it's not your fault you're this beautiful." "I know, right?" Absurd.
Taking Over Me
The best "oooh-oooh-oooh" bit in any 2012 pop song is to be found in 'Taking Over Me'. The fact that it is coupled with the jaw-droppingly immense "LOVE, LOVE, LOVE" bit hints at songwriting so amazing that we suspect a government conspiracy is probably to blame. Well done Lawson anyway.
Catch My Breath
We love songs that are about one thing while also being about another thing, and this song — chosen to launch the greatest hits album marking Kelly's ten years in pop — works as both the wistful reminiscence of anyone who's just turned 30, and a quite surprisingly touching look back over ten years of the highs, the lows and the bits in between that make being a popstar such a unique experience. We wanted to give Clarko a big hug after hearing this.
I Knew You Were Trouble
It's a dubstep song without any actual dubstep in it. Hurrah. In a repeat of the Sky Ferreira Spotify problem 'I Knew You Were Trouble' isn't on Spotify so we've used a cover version on our Singles Of 2012 playlist. It's not very good, we're afraid, but what can you do.
Part Of Me
A Katy Perry single that was at once oddly generic and completely (if completely coincidentally) in keeping with the divorcedramz happening 'behind the scenes'.
DJ, Ease My Mind
Niki & The Dove
An extraordinary, beautiful song. We love this performance from an Danish X Factor duo.
Justin, what do you think you're playing at? Yes we know you're a phenomenally successful teen superstar and everything but you just can't go around throwing words like 'fondue' into pop songs, even if they're exciting Timberlike 'jams' such as this. Next time you're thinking of doing this please come and see us first.
Power & Control
Marina And The Diamonds
A decadent, astute pop triumph that according to Wikipedia got to Number 193 in the singles chart. Jesus Christ readers, what is wrong with some people? Sometimes it feels like society is simply falling in on itself.