THIS IS AN INTERVIEW
This is sort of an experiment because some popstars strike me as being the sort of people who might be quite good at typing.
I think i'm good at typing but i get too excited and spell everything wrong and forget grammar is a thing.
This is already a disaster.
Where are you?
WHAT CAN YOU SEE
My bombsite of a bedroom, and a tree.
Is the tree in your bedroom, like when The X Factor did Judges' Houses at Cheryl's 'home' and there was a fucking massive tree in the middle of the room?
I wish — that would be cool. No, it's outside. It's sort of purple-ish.
I don't think I've seen a purple tree before.
I think you have. Like those sort of wine coloured ones that pop up every now and then amongst the green ones. They're alright actually — I kinda like them.
Can you take a photo of this tree please.
I'M GETTING THE COLOURS MIXED UP.
While that is happening shall I ask An Interview Question?
WHAT'S THE POINT IN ANYTHING?
For good anecdotes?
Tell me a good anecdote.
In the pressure of the moment I have forgotten my entire life and all the wonderful anecdotes I am sure are in it.
Have you ever tried to hack into someone's email account?
No. I used to try and hack into my friend's Bebo accounts though.
GREAT DAYS. Did you ever get in?
Someone gave me their password once so, yes. I think I changed their bio to I LOVE CHLOE, or something.
Do you think they did actually love you?
I think so. Especially after that
How many people do you think have ever been in love with you?
That's a good question, I'll use that again.
I don't think many at all. And if someone had, they wouldn't have told me cos I would have told them to "stop being a girl" or something like that.
I do that sometimes.
Do you find romance embarrassing?
Not necessarily. I just find over- mushiness a bit annoying, haha
I was thinking about that in terms of I Wish I Could Tell You aka your best song.
THINGS UNSAID etc.
Yeah, I wrote that song about 4 months after what it's referencing even happened so it is kind of a list of things I didn't address at the time it mattered I suppose!
(Thanks for saying it's my best song btw.)
Well it would probably be more useful if I said your actual new single was your best song but in the backwards words of The Lumineers: HEY HO.
Meh, it's cool.
So, the person you are talking to in I Wish I Could Tell You — presumably they will hear the song. How do you want them to feel about it and what do you want them to do about it?
(That tree is claret btw)
They probably have heard it. Back then I just wanted them to realise that they'd actually upset me. Luckily, now, I don't really care what they think because since writing the song and now they have proved how lucky it was that I dodged the bullet.
Whereas you of course are 'quite a catch' right??
Too fuckin right I am!
I am about to ask a question I'm asking popstar after popstar in the hope that one day I will get a decent answer. I feel like today might be the day. Are you ready?
There's something about today that feels good. My legs really hurt because I actually worked hard yesterday which means I am ready. And I've already seen two magpies so… Today MIGHT be the day I suppose.
'Are you ready' wasn't the question by the way. The question is… Do you have a favourite airport?
No, but I don't like Gatwick
First of all the name: GATWICK. I don't like that. And also when you're there. I don't really know. I just know I'd rather not fly from Gatwick. And I just hate mornings and I associate Gatwick with mornings.
I'm pissed off now just thinking about Gatwick Airport.
I grew up near Gatwick, in a town called East Grinstead. Peter Andre has a coffee shop there and there are Scientologists everywhere.
So Gatwick has it hard. I'll cut it some slack for proximity to Peter Andre.
Do you like Gentleman by The Saturdays, or what?
Actually I don't think I've heard it.
I'm gonna Google it now.
Let's examine these lyrics.
"Most guys just hit it and quit it, and then they wonder why most girls just spit it."
"You're not a lady if you're always on your knees"
"You had his baby, so you might got him for now
He already had the milk, so why would he go buy the cow?"
He already had the milk, so why would he go buy the cow?"
Obviously that bit about being on your knees is talking about gardening. Men should do the gardening.
"I let you taste my rainbow
You could at least be faithful"
You could at least be faithful"
What do you think 'tasting a rainbow' is about?
It was nice of her to share her Skittles.
Do you think some women in the public eye share their Skittles a little too readily?
Do you think it's down to society's expectation that women should share their Skittles?
I'm careful who I share my Skittles with.
No woman has to share her skittles if she doesn't want to.
I wonder what M&Ms represent?
Mind you the packaging is brown so maybe we shouldn't go down that 'avenue'.
Why did you decide to be a solo 'artiste' rather than someone with some hired-in session musicians standing around pretending to be a real band?
Because I'd never really ever thought about that so it'd never really ever been an option.
Sometimes labels are quite keen on that sort of thing aren't they. 'We don't know how to launch a solo female artist into a crowded marketplace so we're either going to get you loads of features on dance tracks or we're going to form a band around you' etc etc.
Yeah that happens.
And I think part of the problem there is the perception that all female artists are 'the same' (when in fact most are quite different).
I think that sometimes comes from radio.
KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
Yeah girls get compared a lot in absolutely everything, not just music. It's just how it is.
But I suppose equally, most new acts, except those without any reference points at all, get compared to others. It's easier to say 'this is a bit like an act you've heard of' than to try and describe what someone's like from scratch.
Yeah, it's well difficult to explain someone's sound without finding similarities in other people's sounds. Everything is influenced by something else whether it means to be or not so it's fair enough. But sometimes I think the comparisons can be ridiculously lazy.
If you are [ARTIST ONE] meets [ARTIST TWO] but without the [THING PEOPLE ARE A BIT IFFY ABOUT RE ONE OR BOTH ARTISTS] what are the blanks?
Popstars love being asked that question.
Waiiiiittttt you want me to tell you who I sound like?
I mean, I get the Lily Allen thing a lot which is fine because I expected it I don't like the Kate Nash thing because I don't really see it apart from the whole 'English accent' shebang.
Also she is a bit ropey.
That's a comparison?
Is there any obvious reference people always miss? For instance do you read people going "it's like Lily Allen meets Kate Nash but without the latter's ropeyness" and think to yourself, "I can't believe they've missed a really obvious comparison yet again, who pays these people, no wonder music journalism is going down the shitter etc etc"?
Na. Lily Allen's the obvious one isn't she? The really obvious one. So that's why it gets a bit boring when her name pops up all the time, haha. But it's good if they can only find those two, I suppose. Because that's basically just because I speak frankly about stuff in an English accent.
Frankness is good. I saw an interview with Demi Lovato where she said "I don't think that being honest can ever get you in trouble". Do you agree?
HA. Yeah it really can…
I think you should dance around the truth sometimes.
Dance Around The Truth — ALBUM TITLE AHOY.
I'll take that as a no.
I haven't really thought about it to be honest.
I'll sit with it.
DON'T PATRONISE ME
Don't caps lock me, I'm tryna be nice!
Pop seems to be largely split into indie acts with tunes and drum machines trying to get into spaces that are more pop than the artist is, and then you've also got actual pop acts trying to get into spaces that are more cool than they are. Which are you closest to? Or are you just 'doing your thing and if anyone likes it that's a bonus etc'?
I mean, I'm just being myself and I'm just enjoying all the opportunities I'm getting and hope everyone else is too xoxoxoxo
No I'm totally kidding, probably the second one.
Though I was an indie kid at school.
On a scale of 1 to Pitchfork.
Right, that's acceptable.
My friends were more indie than me. I liked the Sugababes too much.
You can never like the Sugababes too much.
They didn't let me in charge of music at parties.
That is sad.
It is making me upset.
Mind you, you'd probably just whack on a load of Kate Nash b‑sides right?
That's funny because I'm on my old computer and one came on shuffle LOL.
Oh dear :(
So anyway what we just mentioned above about whether you're indie in pop's clothing or vice versa, all this positioning nonsense that new artists often seem to go through. But this ends RIGHT NOW because you've actually got a proper actual this-one-is-the-one, stand-back-everyone-she's‑coming-through single coming out. Right?
Or are we waiting to see how it does before we decide whether it's that or not?
Na, let's tell everyone it's that.
Okay. I think sometimes people just need to know. There's a lot of dicking around when it comes to launching acts, isn't there? And I think people increasingly (not just people who read blogs) hold off investing emotionally in an artist until someone says "THIS IS ACTUALLY WHAT THEY ARE".
(Actually it's mainly people who read blogs.)
(But you know what I mean.)
Well you can hold off if you want, but I liked the sound of the 'this-one-is-the-one, stand-back-everyone-she's‑coming-through' single.
And I'm gonna claim it.
I don't want to hold off!
I'm bad at instant messaging.
IT'S GOING ALRIGHT SO FAR>
Apart from me chucking a random > at the end of that.
I have missed out so many little words today and hoped you hadn't noticed.
I'll fill them in.
I'll just put loads of expletives everywhere.
And make my own questions seem funnier.
*how journalism works face*
Your questions have been funny and very grammatically correct.
So anyway there is a proper video for this single, which I guess we've decided is THE MAKE OR BREAK SINGLE, which apparently is going live quite soon.
Yes there is. On Monday I believe.
'Tell me about the video'
It was directed by Dawn Shadforth. And it's sort of like a film within a film vibe. And we've got some sleaziness and some drunkenness etc etc.
It was shot on film which I wasn't excited about, but when I saw the edit I realised is actually pretty cool.
Can't you do that on computers these days?
Make stuff look like film.
Basically just chuck an Instragram filter over everything.
EXACTLY WHAT I WAS JUST TYPING.
'The lighting's shit!' 'It's stylised!' etc.
Yeah there are some videos out there with odd lighting at the mo.
I mean I don't want to bring up The Saturdays again — in fact I do — but look at this.
Two years ago they would have sacked the director and re-shot that.
Yeah that was the one that was going through my head.
In 2013, it's 'OOH INSTAGRAM'.
It's like they shot it and thought 'this needs to be more beige if we're going for the kook factor'.
Catchy song though xxxxxx
*media training face*
"WHAT A LOAD OF SHIT but such lovely shoes"
It's not media training it's how-to-be-a-bitch-at-school-and-not-be-totally-hated training.
Did you actually get drunk in your new video or is it just pretend drunk?
I don't get drunk because I'm an angel.
Is this in the same way you weren't drinking when I saw you at the Daft-Punk-up-the-shard thing?
I didn't drink that much!
Maybe it was me.
I really think it might have been
Two people I was with smashed their glasses of wine in the posh bit.
I think we should probably wrap up our fascinating chat shortly.
What else is there to discuss?
Do we need to talk about 'your art' or can I leave that to someone else?
I'm sure someone else will get to it.
I mean your music's pretty good and you're a good ambassador for it and there'll be stuff embedded in this interview so we don't really need to bang on about it do we.
If you like her you like her, if you don't piss off.
You can have that for a press release if you like.
I've already forwarded it to my management.
More than that, we've got an actual picture of a tree.
Which is the sign of a successful conversation I feel.
I was thinking it would be quite good, to 'illustrate the piece', if you could do a Photo Booth picture of yourself looking at your computer, to put at the top of the chat. Even though it's been an instant messager chat so it doesn't really work. Could you do those?
(And send them over later or whatever.)
As in take a picture on my computer, or with my computer in the picture? #photography
Use your computer to take a picture of you in front of your computer looking at it.
So imagine we were having a video chat and I screengrabbed it.
Okay will doooooooooo!
Try various expressions please.
I feel like Rankin
I feel like
I have no idea
Wankin would be a funny way to end the interview, if slightly unsavoury
AND ON THAT BOMBSHELL
Thanks for making time for this today, I feel it's been a sort-of success
You're welcome, thanks for having me.
Good luck with the single. I am going to go now. Bye!
Thankyou!! Byeeee :) xx
Chlöe releases 'No Strings' on August 5. You can visit her official site here.