It's not usually in our nature to call for popstars to have their heads chopped off but we're willing to make an exception for Scooch who, in their new video, fly the Union Jack the wrong way round.

According to this excellent piece of research by the Woodlands Junior School in Kent, it's acceptable to fly the flag like that if you are in distress - but is also A CRIME and punishable as an act of treason.

We phoned Buckingham Palace about this and they said it was nothing to do with them (no wonder the country's gone to the dogs etc). Scooch's spokesperson's line on this is "I wonder if they realised".

We say Scooch DID realise. We now call on Scooch to do one of the following:

a) Explain why they are in distress.

b) Reshoot the video at a cost of hundreds of pence.

If they are unable or unwilling to address either of the above points we propose that the band should be beheaded immediately.

Watch this space!