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Banned of St Trinian's - 'I Can Get What I Want'

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» The 2009 Popjustice Readers' Poll: VOTE NOW!

» The St Trinian's soundtrack album: it's better than you're expecting it to be

» What MIGHT the charts look like on Sunday? Let's investigate

» A positive post about the 'Sugababes'

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Popjustice

Billiam: a chance to remember

Story filed Friday, 27 November 2009

You may have read our post yesterday about newish boyband Vice. In the post we mentioned that Vice weren't exactly the worst boyband we'd ever seen and so thoughts inevitably drift to Billiam who actually were the worst boyband of all time, and by 'of all time' we really do mean 'of all time'.

Here's a quite heavily pixelated photograph of Billiam. If we make the pixelated bits less pixelated it starts to look pretty horrible.

Who are we kidding - it looks quite bad as it is.

Fortunately nothing really dies on the internet and while Billiam may not still be here to warble their terrible, terrible pop tunes at gay nitespots throughout the land they are still, in a funny sort of way, right where we left them. On MySpace, for example, you can listen to their songs and browse their musings, while their epoch-defining video for 'My Generation' is still online at YouTube (courtesy, quite mysteriously, of Universal Music).

This post might seem slightly odd but those who forget Billiam are doomed to repeat it. Here at Popjustice we will never forget.

WE WILL NOT FORGET.

The Best Five Seconds Of The New Westlife Album

Story filed Friday, 27 November 2009
Westlife have got an album out next week! This is the best bit on it! That was the best bit on it!

The Amazing Popjustice Joke Of The Week

Story filed Friday, 27 November 2009
I hear Susan Boyle has been having terrible nightmares about measures put in place to reduce flooding. Yes, she 'dreamed about a drain'.

Pop lyrics: they're like poetry, really

Story filed Thursday, 26 November 2009

We found a good email while we were clearing out our inbox the other day.

The email concerns the new boyband Vice (pictured right), a troupe you may already have come across in your travels across the web.

Pop bands like Vice seem to exist almost exclusively in the realm of peripheral vision - you might notice their name, or a link to their site, or some sort of stupid spam message on an internet forum, but only fleetingly and never intentionally.

They're not particularly good although, to be fair, we've seen far worse, and their song isn't actually the worst of all time, but the lyrics represent what can only be described as a cavalcade of cliche.

Brace yourselves, here's how they appear in the email:

I'm stood scanning this girl, in her own world in the middle of the dance floor,
So hot, lady don't care waving those sexy arms in the air.
Ting ting, got a bling ring, I don't wanna do the wrong thing,
Insane, feeding my brain, the girl is a drug I'll take it in vain.

Long lashes, skinny jeans, she rocks the floor,
She's the funk, soul, indie queen,
She wants to go baby yeah, yeah
She wants to go baby yeah, yeah, YEAH

Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce
Give it all up you're out of control.
Let me see you bounce, come on, bounce, huh
I don't wanna do the wrong thing.
I want to see you bounce, bounce, bounce
Give it all up you're out of control.
Come on baby bounce, give it to me now girl.
Rock the beat, rock with me yeah.

Roughed up, gonna get stuck getting loved up with this girl on the dance floor.
Locked in, something I see this girl plus one, the plus one's a she.
Dancing, in full swing makes me wanna do the wrong thing.
Kiss kiss, lady's in bliss, red light show my mind can't resist.

Long lashes, skinny jeans, she rocks the floor,
She's the funk, soul, indie queen,
She wants to go baby yeah, yeah
She wants to go baby yeah, yeah, YEAH

Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce
give it all up your out of control.
Let me see you bounce, come on, bounce, huh
I don't wanna do the wrong thing.
I want to see you bounce, bounce, bounce
Give it all up your out of control.
Come on baby bounce, give it to me now girl.
Rock the beat, rock with me yeah.

You know I want it bad,
But I can't give it to ya,
Cause I'm not what you want, I'm not want you need...
WOW.

Funk lashes, indie queen,
She wants to L,L,L,L
Long lashes, skinny jeans, YEAH

Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce
give it all up your out of control.
Let me see you bounce, come on, bounce, huh
I don't wanna do the wrong thing.
I want to see you bounce, bounce, bounce
Give it all up your out of control.
Come on baby bounce, give it to me now girl.
Rock the beat, rock with me yeah.

They're performing at this year's Clothes Show Live, you know.

Hurts scrub up quite well don't they

Story filed Thursday, 26 November 2009

Hurts are basically the opposite of N-Dubz, and here's one of the newish shots they've had done. We're not going to patronise you with the reference points but the key facts to consider here are:

1. Amazing
2. Amazing
3. Amazing

The band are being quite careful about letting new tunes out for public consumption (ie we're not allowed to put any on the site quite yet) but this is the early version of 'Wonderful Life' we first featured back in April...

...(the girl isn't in the band and the proper version's a little but more swooshy but not overly so) and other bits you can look forward to are very much along similar lines. Other tracks called things like 'Illuminated' and 'Silver Lining' are all very 'Violator'-era Depeche Mode and you might in fact say that Hurts are the sort of band Mute might have signed if Mute in the 2000s were like Mute in the 80s, except they're not and the label Hurts are actually on is the new one invented by pop tunesmith Richard 'Biff' Stannard. It might all be seeming a bit stylised at the moment but there's something about the world Hurts are creating for themselves that keeps the whole thing back from the edge of being too 'La Roux', if you catch our drift.

Let's look at that photo again.

4. Amazing.

The 2009 Popjustice Readers' Poll: VOTE NOW!

Story filed Wednesday, 25 November 2009

It's time to cast your vote in the Popjustice 2009 Readers' Poll.

This is a very exciting time for all concerned but there are a few questions which might take you a while to fill in completely so make sure you sit down with a cup of tea and a few minutes to spare before getting stuck in.

To vote, please visit the hastily flung together voting form at http://vote2009.popjustice.com.

Closing date for submitted forms is December 7.

Have fun!

The St Trinian's soundtrack album: it's better than you're expecting it to be

Story filed Wednesday, 25 November 2009

You will have noticed that yesterday's Song Of The Day and today's Song Of The Day are both from the new St Trinian's soundtrack album. Clearly a new St Trinian's film is about as welcome a prospect as a three-year power cut but the album itself is actually v good.

Main points:

1. It features three Sarah Harding solo tracks (including a David Bowie cover the less said of which the better).

2. It features various Xenomania 'house band' tracks.

3. There's some other stuff by The Saturdays, Girls Can't Catch, Florence & The Machine 'etc'.

4. It sounds a bit like the first draft of a Girls Aloud album. You'll know what we mean when you give it a proper listen - most of the songs sound like they would benefit from a bit more magic dust - but it's a pretty great soundtrack album, is far better than it really needs to be and is, we imagine, about 100 times better than the film.

5. In a year without a Girls Aloud album it's a better Girls Aloud album than the Cheryl Cole album.

We'll have some more clips up throughout the week. Hurrah.

What MIGHT the charts look like on Sunday? Let's investigate

Story filed Tuesday, 24 November 2009

A bell means a good result for the artist, a honk means there will be shouting and pointing of fingers.

Peter Kay etc - 'The Official BBC Children In Need Medley'

Susan Boyle - 'Wild Horses'

Rihanna - 'Russian Roulette'

Mariah Carey - 'I Want To Know What Love Is'

Do you you what, readers, we're beginning to think that the spreadsheet on which we are basing these apropos-of-nothing 'predictions' might have some serious data missing because you can't have Boyle, Rihanna and Carey all missing the Top 10, can you? Anyway we'll continue...

La Roux - 'Quicksand':

In terms of tracks blundeirng into the charts all of the Lady Gaga 'Fame Monster' songs are popping up, as it Shakin' Stevens' 'Merry Christmas Everyone' (and quite right too) while Clappo's 'Wonderful Tonight' pokes its head into the Top 60. The albums chart is the interesting one this week, anyway - Susan Boyle has outsold the Number 2 album by almost five to one while 'The Fame Monster' enters the Top 10 and Rihanna's album... Doesn't.

'Interesting.'

A positive post about the 'Sugababes'

Story filed Tuesday, 24 November 2009
Don't they look completely amazing in this photograph. Yes the laptops are a bit of a distraction and yes there is the inevitable concern that Heidi has left hers on the bus, but overall what we see here is pretty top notch. By the way, further to our plea last week for someone to amend the astonishing Windows 7 advert the band found themselves involved with, take a look at this. 'LOL'.

The new Kelis song: it's a triumph

Story filed Tuesday, 24 November 2009
Kelis' new track 'Acapella' is basically 100% brilliant from beginning to end. It sounds like Donna Summer, its big hook is the amazing line "before you, my whole life was acapella", and, as the warbler notes on her website, "I wrote it with love and life in mind". Literally very brilliant indeed.

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