So, your new album is good — which is a relief, because often when a band releases an album themselves that means it's rubbish.
(Laughs) Well thank you very much, I'm so glad we pleased you darling. It's all about you, you know that.
Well as a fan it should be about me, just as it should be about all your fans. Otherwise what's the point?
Very true! You win this round.
You're being very jovial. If with a slight undercurrent of menace.
Yes.
Just like the best pop.
Good.
Have you signed up to any ludicrous endorsement deals that you hope nobody ever finds out about?
No I haven't — but that doesn't mean I won't.
What sort of things do people want you to put your name to?
People come to me with all sorts of things. And always have.
Such as?
Never you mind!
Did you just say 'never you mind'?!
Yes!
I'm sure you're the sort of person who resists media training but let me tell you this, in the world of the rock interview, responding to questions with 'never you mind' is generally frowned upon.
(Uproarious laughter)
You might as well go, 'oh, there's nothing for Nosey'.
(More laughter) Is that the kiss of death?
Hopefully other popstars aren't reading this or they'll all start doing it.
Are you offended?
No. You've been working with Sky Ferreira haven't you.
Yes I have!
She played me the song you did together down the phone.
She's got a beauitful voice, Sky. She's smart. She really is. I think she's something else, actually. Greg Kurstin and I wrote that song together for her, and it's so cool to try and help someone amazing like that along.
Do you recognise a little bit of you in her?
Yes I do. She's like my little sister. And I do feel a certain kind of kinship with her in that regard.
Do you feel the impulse to warn young artists about how crap the industry is?
Well I'm not very good at holding myself back, as you've probably gleaned, but I do feel protective towards her because she's something special and I don't want her to be chewed up in the whole major label system that can destroy a career before it's even begun. I knew she was having some problems because the music community is tight, and people talk. And someone had asked me to call her…
Blimey!
Yeah, to give her some sort of support, you know? And we just got talking and we hit it off, She comes from my world, you know? I really relate to who she is and I just think she's got a lot of potential to be a great popstar.
She needs room to grow.
Exactly.
So that's good.
(Roars with laughter)
I'll cross that off the list of things to discuss.
What else is on the list?
Here's a question: 'as you get older do you try harder or less hard'. That's on the list. Perhaps it's about trying to please, I suppose.
I think, as I get older, I… (Long pause) I don't know if I've ever tried hard, I don't think it's as odd with my personality, it's just the way I am. I think though that as I've gotten older I feel less afraid. So I feel less aggressive. I think when you feel scared you are aggressive. I feel less afraid now, so maybe I've mellowed a bit?
The album actually sounds like it's got some potential hits on it. In that it sounds like it's built to have singles coming off it.
Really? I love it! Tell me more!
No that's it I'm afraid. How is Scotland these days?
I haven't been there for a while. I was there at Christmas though and it was beautiful as always.
Nippy?
Very nippy.
There is a song on your album ['Blood For Poppies'] that has a bit in it that sounds a bit like 'Self Control' by Laura Branigan. Is it an 'homage'?
First of all I've never heard any Laura Brannigan in my life so I don't know what her song 'Self Control' sounds like.
So the answer to the question I was going to ask is: no.
Can you answer all my questions for me?
Yes, why not. Here's the next question on the list: 'What has Cameron done to the country?'. Let's say the answer is something along the lines of, 'I respect his principles and those of the Conservative party in general, I'm very proud of what he's done and I was pleased to have been able to contribute so much money to their campaign fund at the last election'. Is that the sort of thing you would answer?
(Laughs) BRILLIANTLY answered. You know one of my friends used to go out with him? Eric Avery from Jane's Addiction…
WHAT?!
…his wife Belle used to date David Cameron.
Incredible! How did that go?
She said he was really nice! But I don't know if that's a damning indictment or praise indeed. I'm not really sure.
Maybe he was really nice during the seduction process then once you're in bed with him he's a fucker.
Say that again?!
It was a metaphor!
I know!
I suppose it should be stated that in this sense 'fucker' means bastard, not somebody who fucks.
Well that is what I was wondering! Is that what you do? Who does that?!
It's a political metaphor. A little bit of politics, Shirley.
(Extended cackling)
Is there anythig you would like to add?
Well you tell me. You're answering my questions for me! Give me a good closing one.
We should probably end it there.
We should.