The 2019 Popjustice Readers' Poll: THE RESULTS!

Thanks for voting! HERE ARE THE RESULTS of the 2019 Popjustice Readers' Poll. 

This year we celebrate the arrival of some new cat­egor­ies (including the already coveted BEST TROUSERS) and find it hard not to find ourselves thinking about the absolute shambles of the UK pop industry. 

Best Single

1. BILLIE EILISH: BAD GUY
2. Ariana Grande: Break Up With Your Girlfriend, I'm Bored
3. Lizzo: Juice
4. Caroline Polachek: So Hot You're Hurting My Feelings
5. Georgia: About Work The Dancefloor

Notes: One vote for A Little Bit Alexis. 

Best Album

1. LANA DEL REY: NORMAN FUCKING ROCKWELL!
2. Caroline Polachek: Pang
3. Lizzo: Cuz I Love You
4. Ariana Grande: Thank U, Next
5. Carly Rae Jepsen: Dedicated

Notes: One vote for Rammstein (?), three votes for Madonna, the person who voted for Ezra Furman will be dis­qual­i­fied from all future readers' polls. 

Best Popstar

1. ARIANA GRANDE
2. Charli XCX
3. Lizzo
4. Dua Lipa
5. Matty Healy

Notes: Never mind the Top 5: Greta Thunberg came sixth. And you might be thinking: "Fuck off, she's not a popstar". But: a) she did that song with The 1975, making her a recording artist and therefore a popstar, and b) could it be argued that one does not in fact need to be a recording artist at all in order to be a popstar? Is being a popstar a state of mind for more than something linked to pro­fes­sion? Who's the better popstar: Louis Tomlinson or Greta Thunberg? No idea where this is going tbh, GT clearly isn't a popstar. Also, though, neither is Louis Tomlinson.

Best Video

1. NORMANI: MOTIVATION
2. Charli XCX and Christine: Gone
3. Billie Eilish: Bad Guy
4. Harry Styles: Adore You
5. Tove Lo: Glad He's Gone

Notes: Remember the heady days of (checks notes) earlier this year, when for about 48 hours it felt as if Normani AND NORMANI ONLY would dominate the pop landscape forever and ever and ever? It was all about the Basketball Bounce, wasn't it? Well that and the other stuff. But the Basketball Bounce was the big "FUCKING HELL" moment. Anyway that happened in August and it's December now and there hasn't been a follow-up single yet, which is a very 2009 way of going about things con­sid­er­ing it's all supposed to be about 'waterfall release strategies' (ie making it up as you go along and pre­tend­ing any success has happened on purpose) these days. Perhaps they've been spending all that time CGIing bas­ket­balls into the new video. WHO KNOWS.

Best New Act To Properly Get Going In 2019

1. ROSALÍA
2. Lizzo
3. Sigrid
4. Billie Eilish
5. Normani

Notes: This category rep­res­ents a real slow clap for the UK music industry, doesn't it? Mind you Sigrid was signed in the UK so that's something. 

Newish Act Most Likely To Save Pop In 2020

1. GEORGIA
2. Caroline Polachek
3. King Princess
4. Gracey
5. CXLOE

Notes: Did you know Georgia had an album out a few years ago? Completely passed us all by at the time, didn't it, but it def­in­itely existed. Not as good as the new one but this whole pop thing's all about progress.

Established Act Most Likely To Save Pop In 2020

1. DUA LIPA
2. Lady Gaga
3. Rihanna
4. Selena Gomez
5. Sugababes

Notes: WHAT IF Rihanna has retired from pop and just not told anyone? Like, she probably could save pop in 2020 if she wanted to, but what if she simply doesn't fancy it? We think a lot, these days, about artists being able to do what they want to do, and how The Music Industry should not get in the way of an artist's desires, and we support their desire to control what they're doing, from what they wear to what they sing to whether or not they own their masters, but the cold brutal reality of this is that if we do support an artist's right to define their own destiny on their own terms, we must also accept that if Rihanna doesn't want to be a popstar she doesn't have to be one. There is something quite exciting about the idea of one of the 21 Century's best popstars just sacking it all off in favour of selling socks and slap. There's something quite shit about it too, but still. 

Producer Of The Year

1. JACK ANTONOFF
2. Mark Ronson
3. Max Martin
4. Finneas
5. FRED

Notes: Not sure how it would work in terms of the credits feature on Spotify but what would be super helpful moving forward is for producers to be listed according to whether they actually push all the buttons or whether they just come in after lunch, do a bit of pointing at stuff, play ten seconds of a song they Shazammed on the way to the studio, then disappear for another meeting. BOTH APPROACHES ARE VALID! But who pushes the buttons? 

Had It, Lost It In 2019

1. TAYLOR SWIFT
2. Marina
3. Madonna
4. Tove Lo
5. Charli XCX

Notes: Worth noting here that everyone has been trying very hard. (Pop truth: while half the world's popstars would be better if they tried a lot harder, and the other half would be better if they didn't try quite so much.)

DNA Test Results Of The Year

1. 100% THAT BITCH

Notes: Assorted other responses: "Jay Aston running for Brexit Party", "Frank Ocean is my husband", "Boris Johnson: 100% cunt".

Didn't Have It, Found It In 2019

1. LIZZO
2. Niall Horan
3. Jonas Brothers
4. Sam Smith
5. Katy Perry

Notes: Good point on Lizzo but on the Niall front: is Niall the best former member of One Direction? Definitely most improved. 

Most Ridiculous Recording Artist

1. LIAM PAYNE
2. Celine Dion
3. Grimes
4. Ava Max
5. Madonna

Notes: The strange thing here is that Liam is con­sidered notable enough to be ridicu­lous but, well, here we are.

Best Music Streaming Service

1. SPOTIFY
2. Apple Music
3. YouTube
4. Variations on 'streaming is bad' etc
5. Google Play

Notes: 2020 will be Tidal's year, don't you worry. 

Best Podcast

1. DEAR JOAN & JERICHA
2. Table Manners With Jessie Ware
3. The Adam Buxton Podcast
4. It's Britney, Bitch!
5. My Dad Wrote A Porno

Notes: Worth noting here that Joan and Jericha's Hello Fresh ad is one of the songs of the year.

Best DJ (On The Radio)

1. GREG JAMES
2. Clara Amfo
3. Annie Mac
4. Nick Grimshaw
5. Scott Mills

Notes: There's a rumour going round — and you may want to sit down for this — that there are radio stations in existence that aren't Radio 1, although no credible evidence has been delivered and these rumours may turn out to be false.

Most Creative Pop Marketing Campaign

1. LEWIS CAPALDI
2. Ashley O
3. Liam Payne in pants
4. Harry Styles rollout
5. Shawn Mendes / Camila Cabello 'duet'

Notes: It's amazing what happens, isn't it, when a popstar has a per­son­al­ity. Amazing, also, that 'is this person inter­est­ing?' doesn't form a greater part of the A&R process. 

Least Imaginative A&R Decision

1. LIAM PAYNE
2. Robbie Williams' Christmas album
3. Camila Cabello, various aspects of
4. Ed Sheeran's duets album
5. Variations on "any feat"

Notes: Don't forget, people wrote off the first Robbie Williams until he released Angels and then everyone went "oh actually he's very good", so all it's really going to need is for Liam to identify and release the Angels off LP1 and then everything will be fine. What is the Angels on LP1? Quite possibly about doing someone up the arse in a carpark.

Best Trousers

1. HARRY STYLES
2. Lil Nas X
3. Billie Eilish
4. Carly Rae Jepsen
5. Matty Healy

Notes: A new category for 2019. To be frank, a category created entirely for Harry Styles, so it's nice how things have panned out. OR SHOULD THAT BE PANTALOONED OUT??????

Popstar Most Likely To Secretly Vote Tory

1. ED SHEERAN
2. Liam Payne
3. Gary Barlow
4. Charli XCX
5. Paloma Faith

Notes: After some con­sid­er­a­tion Barlow has been deemed eligible for this category despite his voting pref­er­ence probably not being very much of a secret.

Worst Single

1. TAYLOR SWIFT & BRANDON PANIC: ME!
2. Tones & I: Dance Monkey
3. Madonna: Medellín
4. Ariana & Pals: Don't Call Me Angel
5. Post Malone: Circles

Notes: Spelling is not fun. 

Worst Album

1. LIAM PAYNE: LP1
2. Madonna: Madame X
3. Ed Sheeran: No 6 Collaborations Project
4. Marina: Love & Fear
5. Carly Rae Jepsen: Dedicated

Notes: THE THING IS THOUGH LP1 IS A REALLY GOOD ALBUM TITLE.

Popstar Most Likely To Be A Tolerable Flatmate

1. CARLY RAE JEPSEN
2. Niall Horan
3. Jessie Ware
4. Dan from Bastille
5. Shura

Notes: Amazing surprise entry for Dan Bastille in this category, incred­ible scenes.

JESUS CHRIST WHAT'S THAT TERRIBLE NOISE?

1. CHARLI XCX: CLICK OUTRO
2. Piers Morgan
3. Dance Monkey
4. "Spelling is fun!"
5. Chris Brown

Notes: Other entries include: "LP1" (obviously) and "Poorly EQd Björk at SSE Hydro". (Imagine having Click played at your funeral. Not a dry eye in the house.)

Comeback Of The Year

1. SPICE GIRLS
2. Robyn
3. MUNA
4. Pussycat Dolls
5. Sugababes with DJ Spoony :/

Notes: The good thing about the Spice Girls comeback is that now it's out of the way we're only about seven years away from the next Spice Girls comeback. Other votes this year: La Roux, Jonas Brothers, Vampire Weekend (???).

Least Controversial Popstar

1. CARLY RAE JEPSEN
2. Kylie Minogue
3. Ed Sheeran
4. Jessie Ware
5. Niall Horan

Notes: You see you might have voted for CRJ to win this but don't forget that moment in October when she posted a photo of herself singing a song on a stage.

Least Reasonable Online Fanbase

1. BREXIT
2. Madonna
3. BTS
4. Taylor Swift
5. Beyoncé

Notes: The thing is, the decision has been made. We're too far into it now to be arguing about what's right or wrong so we might as well just cross our fingers and hope it pans out in a way that doesn't result in too much misery for future gen­er­a­tions. BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THE MADAME X ALBUM CAMPAIGN!!!!!

POP HAIRSTYLE OF THE YEAR

1. HARRY STYLES
2. Dua Lipa's new one
3. Billie Eilish, various
4. Ashley O, wig
5. Ava Max, 'the Ava Max'

Notes: Trousers and hair. Harry Styles has got the lot!

Act We Should Send To Eurovision In 2020

1. CHARLI XCX
2. Frock Destroyers
3. Clean Bandit
4. Steps
5. Sam Smith

Notes: Clean Bandit probably best bet for a win here, 'tbh'.

Group Most Likely To Split Or 'Go On Hiatus' (Split) In 2020

1. LITTLE MIX
2. Pussycat Dolls ("again")
3. Variations on "whoever wins X Factor: The Band"
4. Sugababes ("again")
5. BTS

Notes: Sadly it falls to Popjustice to reveal that Real Like You, the winners of X Factor: The Band, have already split up, and in fact called it a day four hours after the show's final episode. This took place on Simon Cowell's private jet during a flight to LA, but due to the plane having entered a different timezone Real Like You actually split up before they won the show, making runners-up Unwritten Rule the show's de facto (or 'de X Facto') winners. Unfortunately by that point a des­pond­ent Unwritten Rule had already split up too, which is a bit like Romeo & Juliet in a way isn't it? Very sad. 

Pop Hero Of 2019

1. LIZZO
2. Ariana Grande
3. Jade Little Mix
4. Charli XCX
5. Miley Cyrus

Notes: Surely the main thing to learn from Lizzo's extraordin­ary 2019 is that SMILING IS REALLY NICE AND PEOPLE LIKE IT. Let's make 2020 the year faces like slapped arses fall out of fashion in pop. Times are bleak enough as it is, we don't need our popstars to look like they've just received an unex­pec­tedly hefty tax bill. 

In conclusion

Pop music really hits the spot, doesn't it? It's a great thing to have around. 10/10 for pop music and the people who make it.