The results of our Truth About Pop survey — from 5000 completed forms — are in.
Apart from the fact that everyone likes a good survey, we have discovered:
Madonna is the popstar you'd most like as a parent. This means she is VINDICATED as regards the whole adoption thing.
Bono should be shot.
83% of you say Paris Hilton does not deserve to be a popstar.
Those who think Paris does deserve to be a popstar are less likely to have a problem with popstars miming, less likely to demand that popstars are interesting, and less likely to believe that popstars should be able to sing.
35% of you would rather rim Justin Hawkins than listen to the second Darkness album.
Almost half of you think Kylie should keep her hair short and that Girls Aloud are better than The Beatles.
Richard Fleeshman should give up any ideas of becoming a popstar.
80% of you think Top Of The Pops should come back.
Brandon from The Killers' moustache is popular with only 7% of you.
Beyonce will never top 'Crazy In Love', Michael Jackson will never make another great record.
18% of people who voted Pete Doherty the popstar they'd most likely to sleep with also voted him the smelliest man in pop.
Gay men want to sleep with Cheryl Tweedy and Madonna.
Straight men want to sleep with Robbie Williams and Justin Timberlake.
Robbie Williams has a bigger cock than Johnny Borrell - but Johnny owns more pairs of trousers.
17% of you want your popstars to be hairy, and 15% think that being able to sing is unimportant.
Cheryl Tweedy will quit Girls Aloud first — Kimberley would be the least likely to quit.
Britney should stop making babies and get on with her next album.
The majority of you would be more likely to shag someone ugly if they were a popstar.
Only 3% of under-18s want a Spice Girls reunion.
The idea of Girls Aloud solo careers does not appeal — but people who've caught their parents having sex show an above-average demand for a Nicola Roberts solo single.
44% of Lily Allen's MySpace friends think her next album will be shit.
Keisha will quit Sugababes next; Heidi will be the best solo Sugababe.
There's loads more in the full report, which you can download now:
The Truth About Pop
(Right-click — 1mb PDF)
Thanks to everyone who took part in the survey.