"GOOOAAAAAAAAFUCKINGAAAAALLLLL!!!!!!" Football fever is certainly gripping the planet with noted com­pet­i­tion 'The World Cup' appar­ently kicking off (football gag!!) today in Brazil.

Over the next couple of weeks (it's only a fortnight right? Can someone check this) we'll be cel­eb­rat­ing note­worthy pop from around the planet with some help from various guest con­trib­ut­ors and an unne­ces­sar­ily con­vo­luted tour­na­ment format in which countries per­form­ing in each World Cup match are pitted against each other according to what they've managed to get in their own pop charts instead of the foot­balling talents of the nine or so people they're putting on the pitch.

We've got various guest referees coming up, but let's start with Popjustice's Editor Peter Robinson because if he (I) can't make sense of this shambles it's unfair to expect anybody else to.

BRAZIL V CROATIA

Anitta — ‘Bla Bla Bla’

“Forbes reckon that Anitta could be the Brazilian Rihanna, noting that she's playing 20 shows a month, com­mand­ing $50,000 a pop. Unfortunately one of the things that makes Rihanna Rihanna is a strong amazing:shit dis­co­graphy ratio and Anitta's current single 'Bla Bla Bla' isn't, really, very good. 2012's 'Meiga e Abusada' — with a hefty 28m YouTube views — is mar­gin­ally better.”

 Vatra — 'Tango'

“During dark moments my thoughts often turn to how Keane would sound  if they came from Zagreb and with 'Tango' those dark internal thoughts manifest them­selves in the here and now, finally providing me with an answer.  That answer is: much as you'd expect. According to this website the chorus trans­lates like so:

Just step on my toes!
Bite my lips off!
Bitter-sweet, like tango, black and red,
Step on my toes! Bite my lips off!

I think we can all relate to the sentiment.”

Peter’s full time score:

Brazil 1 — Croatia 0

Now you can vote for your own favourite.

Next up: Mexico vs Cameroon