You love Rylan. We love Rylan. We also love cover versions. Here are three songs to which Clarko should lend his dulcet tones as soon as possible.
1 Orlando – ‘Just For A Second’
This takes a while to get going so there would need to be some messing around with the first minute or so, but Rylan cavorting his way through this late-90s lost classic would be quite spectacular. Glitter cannons for “UN-RE-MAR-KA-BAAAAAAAAL” please.
2 Belvedere Kane – ‘Never Felt As Good’
Another mostly-forgotten gem from the 90s. To be honest we feel as if we’ve demanded that someone or other covers this on a fortnightly basis for the last decade but we can see now, as The Rylan Era dawns, that the ideal frontman has only just arrived on planet pop. May we humbly suggest that the line “I only took the things I’d really need – my oldest Motown records, my Abba hits CD” changes to “my oldest Brookstein records, my Scherzinger CD”.
3Geri Halliwell – ‘Love Never Loved Me’
The video for Rylan’s version of this would see Rylan as a male Marilyn Monroe – Manrylan Monroe, if you will – dragging himself through a series of relationships from the 1950s to the 2010s. Each relationship, no matter how promising it might fleetingly seem, ends in failure and desolation. He ends the video in 2012, crying in the rain, having not aged a day since we first met him in the 50s. This is his life. His fate. Is he doomed to repeat this for all eternity, never knowing how it feels to truly love or be loved? Suddenly, from out of the rain, we see car headlights. The car pulls up alongside Rylan, who bends down to peer through the passenger window. In the driver’s seat is Louis Walsh. TO BE CONTINUED.