The known facts:
1. This song is basically 'Hung Up' meets 'Something Kinda Oooh', except seven years ago.
2. If someone released 'Hammer To The Heart' tomorrow it would be Number One this time next week. Except it only got to Number 6 in 2000 because of problems with the public being idiots.
3. We once found ourselves trapped in Capital FM's underground carpark with Maya from The Tamperer and a dartboard. It is not an experience we wish to repeat.
4. Let's just pause for a moment to remember that The Tamperer's second single (ie the one before this) a) was called 'If You Buy This Record Your Life Will Be Better', b) sampled Madonna, and c) included the memorable line "my life was complicated just a mess, now every day's a holiday and all I do is dance, ooh I got a party in my pants oh oh oh". Richard Ashcroft searched for years for that level of meaning and significance.
5. 'Hammer To The Heart' is further proof of the solid gold pop fact that everything sounds at least ten times better if you chuck some crowd noise over the top…
6. …which is in turn made twice as good again by the presence of BELLS.
7. A hammer to the heart would hurt quite a lot and would not be sexy or romantic AT ALL so we don't know what this song is really trying to say.
8. As we type this we are actually working ourselves into something of a FURY that this is not a Girls Aloud single.
9. Don't you think it would be the greatest Girls Aloud single of all time?
10. Maya touches her bottom quite a lot in the video. She probably had worms.