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  • Fine, let's do a Substack then.
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Inbox Jury: Brooke's assets and some 'fake plastic turd'

  • April 17, 2012
  • Popjustice

So we received a funny press release today.

Well actually we received two. The first is this one, which wasn't really meant to be funny at all, but included an eyebrow-raising use of the term "please review her assets".

RIGHT LADS?!?!

So yes, that one was quite funny. (If you're wondering, the lady in question is Brooke Valentine and her new track 'Forever' is alright, but it's no 'Blah Blah Blah'.)

Anyway the main funny email we got was this one.

There are so many unanswered questions in this email, not least of which is this: if Forms feel that they are providing an altern­at­ive to fake turd, are they in fact promising real turd, and if so do they not feel that most people when given the choice would go for a plastic dog shit instead of a real one? And presuming plastic turd is made of plastic, what is fake plastic turd made of, and why is genuine plastic turd not a suitable topic for this email?

More import­antly, they have contacted Popjustice about their music, so how is it that Forms have managed to come up with a type of music that pitches itself against 'fake plastic turd that is being screamed from the charts these days' but is also suitable for featuring on Popjustice? Obviously some of the very best pop music pulls off that trick, but how have Forms done it?

Well quite simply they haven't — they simply make really bad guitar music. Lumpen, unam­bi­tious guitar music that lacks any true creative spark or potential to excite.

Let's listen to same 'fake plastic turd that is being screamed from the charts' instead.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RoFXbt2tfbU

We'll stick with the turd, thanks.

  • Brooke Valentine
  • Forms
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Maroon 5 — Payphone (lyric video)

  • April 18, 2012
  • Mikey
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Further listening
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  • Patrick Wolf interview: "Bring a cushion"
  • Max Martin interview: "I’ve begun to feel that, well, I kind of know how to write a song now"
  • Kloe interview: "I wanted the video to feel powerful — I don’t want to be a whiny victim"
Further reading
  • 1
    Congratulations to Charli XCX and Lorde: winners of the 2024 Popjustice Twenty Quid Music Prize
  • 2
    The 2024 Twenty Quid Music Prize: Shortlist
  • 3
    The 2023 Popjustice Twenty Quid Music Prize: Shortlist
  • 4
    Fine, let's do a Substack then.
  • 5
    The 2022 Popjustice Twenty Quid Music Prize: shortlist
  • 6
    2021 Popjustice Twenty Quid Music Prize: Laura Mvula wins
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