March 2012 was a month in which various things happened in ‘the world at large’. But how did these things impact Jay ‘KLMNOP’ McGuiness? Let’s ask him.
First in March: unemployment in the Eurozone in March – it was the highest in history.
If you could make one popstar redundant who would it be?
Oh God. Let me think. I really need to think about this. I’m tempted to say Cliff Richard, but he recently beat us in the highest grossing chart so I know that his audience must still be rabid for that Cliff Richard body. So I’m going to go with almost pop singer Katie Price. Only because she’s an easy target and I feel like I don’t need to explain myself.
Also in March, scientists concluded that chocolate may well be good for the heart.
If you were faced with a choice between a Topic, a Twirl and a Twix, which would you go for?
(Has a bit of a think) I think I’d go for a Twirl. No, wait! (Dramatic pause) Yeah, a Twirl.
A thief stole the heart of Saint Laurence O’Toole from a cathedral in Dublin.
When was the last time you stole someone’s heart, figuratively speaking?
This is just good timing and this isn’t me bragging, but maybe last week. I promise you that isn’t because I want to sound devilishly Casanova-esque. If you’d asked me that a week ago it wouldn’t have been in years.
Come on, you’re impressed.
Well, that’s nice, hopefully it will last.
Apple’s App Store passed the 25bn downloads mark in March.
If you could invent an app to help make your life easier what would it be?
I would say one that could help me find my phone but that already exists. I don’t really know. How about an automated text back? So if someone sends you a message it could try and deconstruct the message to its core and if it’s something asking when something’s happening, it could go to my calendar and give them the appropriate response, including a vague loving message.
Sara Blakely, the woman who invented Spanx, became the youngest self-made billionaire in March.
Firstly, are you familiar with Spanx?
Is it when you smack someone’s arse?
Well, it is, but this is a company called Spanx that make tight-fitting underwear.
Ah, the sucky-in pants?
Exactly. Have you ever used an item of clothing to make something look larger or smaller?
(Laughs) I’ve often worn shoes that are far too big at photo shoots when they put you in shoes that have nothing to do with your feet, they just look good. Often you can moan, but at the end of the day they’re not asking you to run a marathon.
A new study found that voters prefer a political candidate with a deep voice, regardless of gender.
What’s your vocal range?
What, do you mean my notes? Well – typical The Wanted answer – I don’t know my vocal range, sorry. It goes quite low to quite high.
Who does the low bits in The Wanted?
Actually someone needs to warn Nathan about breaking The Wanted’s ‘no dancing’ rule.
No, I think synchronised dancing is a different thing. He’s a good little mover. Out of everyone, if The Wanted didn’t exist, Nathan would have the chance to be an actual solo artist.
Also in March, Manchester City’s Mario Balotelli was expelled from the Trafford Centre shopping mall for refusing to take off his hood.
Have you ever been out in a disguise and if so what was it?
At Halloween I dressed as a werewolf. I went to Tom’s house party and there were loads of fans trying to sneak around the corridors because they know where he lives and my costume was so convincing that none of them knew it was me.
How did that make you feel?
I felt a bit like an undercover detective. I felt like Tom Cruise in Mission: Impossible.
But you haven’t just been to the shop in a ridiculous hat or something?
I do sometimes have a hood up or a hat, not that it makes much of a difference.
A highly scientific study found a correlation between snoring as a toddler and subsequent behavioural problems.
If this is true and you had a child that snored, what would you do to combat future batshit craziness?
I doubt the actual phrase “highly scientific” when hearing that. Maybe I’d get some of those breath-easy things [OLD BLUE SINGLES? – ED], which you put on the nose and it widens the nostrils out. Why deal with it later? Get rid of the snoring and they’ll be fine.
When are you planning on having children Jay?
I’m 22 now. I guess with guys it’s not as much of an issue, so whenever I find someone who’s good enough to be the mother of my children.
Perhaps you found her last week?
(Odd silence) That’s amazing that you’ve said that, but also pretty weird.
The biggest solar flare in five years started hurtling towards earth in March.
If All Saints launched a range of flares and your stylist asked you to wear them, would you?
What do you mean like 70s style flares?
Yes. Would you wear them?
Yeah, probably. Not because I’m fashionable, more the opposite. If I wear something and I look down and think ‘oh my God, I’d get beaten up if I wore this back home’ they [his ‘people’] assure me that it’s what the cool kids are wearing and tell me to smile and shut up. I just do what I’m told.
Well thanks Jay for that fascinating insight into your thoughts on the month of March 2012. We hope you had a satisfactory year and wish you all the very best for 2013.