For all the sob stories, manufactured drama and vocal showboating on display, the real appeal of reality television is still those moments when we see somebody’s dreams come true before our eyes. For that reason, it was pretty special watching Lisa Scott-Lee, a woman who endured the humiliation of ‘Totally Scott-Lee’, singing a solo medley in front of 13,000 screaming fans at Sheffield’s ‘intimate’ Motorpoint Arena last Saturday.

For me Lisa – permagrinning, desperate, melodramatic Lisa – really epitomises the magic of Steps. Here are just some of the ways she demonstrated this through the medium of pop performance.

1. For sheer, almost maniacal enthusiasm she simply cannot be beaten. Every time the camera cut to Scott-Lee she was throwing herself into the dance routines in a way that redefines ‘giving it 110%’.

2. She gives excellent stage banter – interrupting songs mid-note to enthusiastically squeak “CLAP YOUR HANDS!”.

3. The furious fan action in ‘It’s The Way You Make Me Feel’: while Claire and Faye waved theirs about half-heartedly, Lisa spent the entire song fanning herself as if she were a 17th century Spanish lady on the verge of a dramatic swoon (or the menopause).

4. All five members had a solo section, but only Lisa managed to crowbar in a solo ‘hit’. ‘Lately’ was performed as a mash-up with Changed Man Chris Brown’s ‘Beautiful People’ and Bryan Adams’ ‘Heaven’, with Lisa pulling out every stop imaginable – singing in front of a giant video screen and transforming into a giant disco butterfly for the climax. It was a genuinely amazing pop moment. Proving that great artists are never recognised in their own time, the largely female audience seemed to prefer Claire standing stock still and belting out a Celine Dion album track.

5. Despite the fact that she doesn’t always come across as particularly likeable on the reunion show, Lisa has always seemed to be the only Step who truly, unreservedly loves her job. The moment when she choked up while thanking the audience “for making my dreams come true” (SEE!) really was quite moving.

To give the group their due, all five members – even pantomime villain H – seemed genuinely thrilled to be back on stage, and their onstage banter felt relaxed and heartfelt, as opposed to the stilted patter from the days when their set list would include covers of the Ghostbusters theme. After a pretty run through ‘When I Said Goodbye’ – previously one of their weaker singles, now loaded with subtext – Claire declared “I love that one”. For perhaps the first time in her career, it felt like she – and they – really meant it.

Xenomania auditions must be quite interesting.

On one hand, you might see the next Mini Viva. On the other, you might just see the next One With The Hat From Vagabond. They should actually set up a

and a

in the audition room, and successful or unsuccessful auditionees would be instantly identified by the item of playground apparatus to which they are instincitvely drawn.

JUST AN IDEA.

…because as well as having VERY GOOD ARTWORK the Dan Black album, ‘Un’, is very enjoyable. It’s selling about as well as a ‘Lisa Scott-Lee sings the hits of Shiny Toy Guns’ quadruple album but if you’ve been keeping up with theories of ‘the long tail’ you will know that this is deffo a good thing.

How The Long Tail Works
1. Nobody sells anything.
2. Nobody gets paid for anything.
3. The End.

It’s important in life to keep your feet on the ground, but sometime it’s also important that there is some way of being able to remind yourself that things could be worse.

This video, by Kemal from Big Brother, is a useful tool regarding both elements. Firstly, in keeping you grounded, it’s a masterclass in delusion. Secondly, of course, if you happen to be a musician struggling somehow to make it in the world, here is someone in an even worse position. You could be Lisa Scott-Lee, xxx, xxx and xx, yet you could still watch this video and know, with some certainty, that you hadn’t quite hit rock btotom.

Kemal from Big Brother, recording under the name Zuleyka.

Let’s go to the very beginning of some potentially very exciting careers and see who’s advertising what in The Stage.

	Oh God please let this be from Kaos Theory, the Starship to Billiam’s Jefferson Airplane. The first thing we think we like most about this advertisement is that no mention whatsoever is made of singing or dancing ability, any sense of stage presence or even dexterity with hair straighteners. The entrant must simply be good looking. Secondly, what’s great is that whoever turns up to the audition will do so because they think they are good looking, but you just know it’s going to be a hopeless parade of grotesque beasts. Whoever they are, we wish them luck for their tour in Febrary.
	Again, being ‘beautiful’ and ‘slim’ and being able to speak English (poor old Coyle, falling at the final hurdle) comes way above this ad’s request for a vocal demo. Whatever. We’re more interested in the Grammy winning songwriter who’s already on board this exciting project. We suspect Orrin Keepnews, 1988 winner of the Best Album Notes award for sleevenote writing.
	You don’t to be beautiful for this one – just attractive. Nor do you need to be slim, so it’s handy if you’re a massive bastard who won’t go anywhere without pulling behind them a massive truck of cream cakes and pies. Just as long as you’re attractive. To be clear… Fat and attractive: yes. Slim and ugly: no. JUST MAKE SURE YOU’RE A BLOODY REDHEAD OR THERE’S GOING TO BE TROUBLE. The request for a ‘strong performer’ also suggests that some weight lifiting experience will be an advantage.
	This ad can be translated as “Got the X-Factor? Go on The X-Factor then – it’s a show for people with the X-Factor. If that doesn’t work due to you not having X-Factor, come to us for a quote and we’ll take your cash.”
	*Lisa Scott-Lee assigns new number to speed dial*

Well it’s good to have that sorted out. Don’t forget, if any of this lot hit the big time, you read it here first.

Anyway, if you’d like to be on this year’s judging panel, you’ve got until 6pm on Thursday to apply.

If you’ve never been to a Twenty Quid Music Prize judging night before, it is essentially a lot of people in a room listening to and then arguing about pop singles as if they are the most important thing in the world. (Example: The Daily Star’s Kim Dawson stormed out of the first one because she didn’t agree with how Lisa Scott-Lee was being treated.) Booze is involved. People attempt to rig the vote. A winner is announced. The End. ‘Amazing.’

» “I’ll write the second album when I’m ready” – the words of
a Enemy
singer Tom Clarke, barely audible above the deathly rumble of The
Darkness shifting over to create more room in The Dumper.  (‘Enemy’s second thought’ – The Star)
 

» Franz Ferdinand‘s scrapped recording sessions with
Xenomania left a bill ‘running into five figures’ (ie more than
£9,999 – news which will no doubt see Lisa Scott-Lee taking a
hammer to her piggy bank). (‘Franz quit their pricey pop plans’ – The
Sun)  

» In the aftermath of Raconteurgate, a music reviewer is
defending music reviews. (‘Raconteurs mess with bix formula – for the
better?’ – LA Times)  

» Some people who were famous a long time ago now have less
money than they did when they were making lots of money. (‘Jackson Five hit the skid’ – The Star)
 

» Beth Ditto has been taking her song to the people on tour. (‘Gossip’ – FT)  

» Bigwigs predict that by 2011 half of all phones will play
music. Tragically your mother will still be keeping hers turned off in her car glove compartment for use ‘in emergencies’. (‘Analyst: 50 percent of phones will play
music by 2011′ – News.com)  

» Lindsay Lohan‘s new album will be like ‘Kylie meets
Rihanna’, presumably in the sense of ‘a shit version of Kylie meets a
shit version of Rihanna’. (People.com via PJ Forums)
 

Blimey.

Someone’s job probably depends on filling those seats. :(

Competition closed, thankyouverymuch…

There was always something likeable about Liberty X. Their songs hovered inoffensively in the area between 'alright' and 'quite good' and nobody really had a bad word to say about them. Michelle's bits in Totally Scott-Lee were brilliant, too.

Although pulling off the impressive trick of somehow appearing to be more mediocre than they actually were, Liberty X did still end up being typical of that brand of pop group forced to survive not on the spoils of actually being in a pop group but on all the peripheral bits and bobs that come with it: the reality TV shows (Celebrity Wrestling, The Games, Come Ice Skating), the dodgy tribute albums and TV shows (like Madonnamania), the corporate gigs. That sort of pop group whose individual members tend to become more famous for jumping off a diving board or standing near Lisa Scott-Lee in a photograph than for singing songs.

In that sense Liberty X were part of a dying breed of pop act, something of a hangover from a bygone pop era when these days it's almost unthinkable that any new pop group would become famous in the first place, let alone be given the luxury of having an opportunity to prolong that fame through other means.

For now, let's just remember the good times.

» Tony performing the band's entire first showcase with his flies undone.

» The amazing 'walking sticks' dance routine for 'Just A Little' .

» The peerless moment of pop ridiculousness that was 'Song 4 Lovers' featuring Reverend Run.

» The song 'X' which was actually quite good but ended up being rendered unintentionally hilarious by the stupid 'Orwellian nightmare'-style video .

» Erm…

Anyway: Liberty X, we salute you.