The ‘Christmas Must Be Something More’ chanteuse ‘scooped’ the following prizes (deep breath): Top Artist, Top Female Artist, Top Billboard 200, Artist of the Year, Top Billboard 20 Artist, Top Female Artist, Top Country Artist and Top Digital Songs Artist.

Blimey.

Rihanna and Gotye were in joint second place if this were a race, with four ‘gongs’ each.

Meanwhile, Madonna, Nicki Minaj and One Direction won three each and Justin Bieber walked off with two.

The latter gave the following speech to remind everyone of why we should all take him seriously as an artiste: ”I’m 19 years old, and I think I’m doing a pretty good job. It should be about the music, about the craft. This is not a gimmick. I should be taken seriously.”

Here’s the full list of winners.

‘Domino’ beat off Gotye’s ‘Somebody That I Used To Know’, while overlooked songstress Emeli Sandé was at Number 3 with ‘Next To Me’.

But what does Jonathan Morrish from PPL think about it all?

“The top 10 most-played pop songs is always an impressive insight into what the nation has been listening to the previous year. These songs will undoubtedly stay with us for a long time.”

That’s quite a thought.

Anyway, here’s the full Top Ten:

1. Jessie J – Domino

2. Gotye (Feat. Kimbra) – Somebody That I Used To Know

3. Emeli Sande – Next To Me

4. Maroon 5 – Moves Like Jagger

5. David Guetta (Feat. Sia) – Titanium

6. Olly Murs – Dance With Me Tonight

7. Kelly Clarkson – Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You)

8. Rihanna & Calvin Harris – We Found Love

9. Carly Rae Jepson – Call Me Maybe

10. Maroon 5 – Payphone

Featuring the likes of will.i.am, Beyoncé, Sia, Fergie, Lana Del Rey, Florence ‘+’ The Machine, Emeli Sandé and er, Gotye, the album was executive produced by Mr Knowles and will be available to purchase on May 6.

Here is the full list of who does what and with whom. Yes, that’s right, Emeli Sandé does cover ‘Crazy In Love’. :(

1. 100$ Bill – Jay-Z
2. Back To Black – Beyoncé x André 3000
3. Bang Bang – will.i.am
4. A Little Party Never Killed Nobody (All We Got) – Fergie + Q Tip + GoonRock
5. Young And Beautiful – Lana Del Rey
6. Love Is The Drug – Bryan Ferry with The Bryan Ferry Orchestra
7. Over The Love – Florence + The Machine
8. Where The Wind Blows – Coco O. of Quadron
9. Crazy in Love – Emeli Sandé and The Bryan Ferry Orchestra
10. Together – The xx
11. Hearts A Mess – Gotye
12. Love Is Blindness – Jack White
13. Into the Past – Nero
14. Kill and Run – Sia

You can hear bits of the Beyoncé, Lana Del Rey and Florence songs below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozkOhXmijtk

‘Fun.’ ‘scooped’ the awards for Song Of The Year for ‘We Are Young’ (shared with Janelle Monae for her sterling work on the song) and Best New Artist, while Clarko won Best Pop Vocal Album for ‘Stronger’.

Beyoncé and Usher both walked away with awards for Best Traditional R&B Performance (for ‘Love On Top’, which was released approximately 800 years ago) and Best R&B Performance (‘Climax’) respectively, while Gotye won Best Pop Duo/Group Performance and Record Of The Year for ‘Somebody That I Used To Know’.

Taylor won for ‘Safe & Sound’, that song from The Hunger Games that isn’t as good as ‘We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together’.

You can see the full list of winners here if you like.

Gotye’s ‘Somebody That I Used To Know’ ‘shifted’ over 1.3m copies in 2012, which is pretty impressive, while Carly Rae Jepsen finished second with 1.1m sales of vastly superior ‘Call Me Maybe’.

Single sales reached a new high of 188.6m sold, a 6% increase on 2011. You can see the full list here if you like. WARNING: There’s quite a bit of Flo Rida.

On the album chart, with virtually no promotion Emeli Sandé’s ‘Our Version Of Events’ sold 1.3m copies in 2012, over double that of the next 2012 release, Lana Del Rey’s ‘Born To Die’ which finished fourth with sales of 719,000.

Second and third on the list were 2011 releases in the shape of Adele’s ’21′ (786,000) and Ed Sheeran’s ‘+’ (784,000).

You can see the full list here.

“If I was to become a one-hit-wonder, I’d be in some good company,” he told the NME, clearly with Parade in mind.

“I would take a sort of perverse pleasure if a certain part of the public think of me as a one-hit-wonder,” he continued.

Cranking up the spin, he added: “If I go on to never make any music that is as commercially successful as this and that means that there’s a divide between some people’s perception of me in the pop sphere versus me and the actual music that I’ve made, and people actually taking the time to listen to the rest of it, then I think that’s actually kind of interesting.”

‘Kind of interesting’.

Apparently this ‘accolade’ has been going since 1985 and it’s all “based on cumulative performance on the weekly Hot 100 chart from Memorial Day through Labor Day”, as opposed to just being plucked out of thin air as we’d assumed.

Anyway, Jeppo’s behemoth peaked at Number One in America and stayed there for nine glorious weeks, selling 5.5m copies in the process. It’s also had 1.8 billion (BILLION!) listeners on Billboard’s Radio Songs chart, which is frankly a bit mental.

Elsewhere on the chart, Maroon 5′s ‘Payphone’ is at Number 2, Gotye’s at Number 3, Katy Perry’s ‘Wide Awake’ at 4 and good old Ellie Goulding’s at Number 5 with ‘Lights’.

Here’s a nice list of all the songs of the summer since 1985.

The ode to possible communication has now ‘topped the chart’ for nine weeks, which puts it one week ahead of previous title holder Gotye with ‘Somebody The I Used To Know’.

Sales of ‘Call Me Maybe’ have now passed the 5m mark in America alone, which is pretty impressive but quite right too when you consider how amazing it is.

In other Billboard Hot 100 chart news, Ellie Goulding’s UK Top 40 smash ‘Lights’ is now at Number 2 having been released about four years ago.

‘I Gotta Feeling’ has now shifted eight million copies in the US alone, bringing the band’s total digital sales to 22 million.

Full-time borelord Gotye, meanwhile, has also broken a record with ‘Somebody That I Used To Know’, which becomes the first single to reach five times Platinum status in less than six months. Well done America!

If you’re into US chart awards (AND WHO ISN’T?!?!) then you might like to know that the RIAA has just launched a Facebook page dedicated to songs and artists that have been awarded Gold and Platinum awards. Hooray!

After weeks of jostling, Jeppo finally wrestled the top spot from boregasm ‘Somebody That I Used To Know’. Carly Rae spent last week directly beneath Gotye’s Number One, which is quite the frightful thought.

CRJ has radio plays and digital downloads to thank for the lift and statistic fetishists can find the motherlode over on the Billboard website. ‘Call Me Maybe’ is also first debut from a female artist to reach Number One in the US since Ke$ha was declining to stop and making it pop on ‘Tik Tok’ way back in 2009.

Meanwhile on the Billboard 200 album chart, little-known Adele returns to Number One for the 24th week with ’21′.