Nadine Coyle Fine on her own, a powerful and distinctive vocalist.
Boyz II Men Fine on their own, a respected and popular male vocal harmony group of yesteryear.
Take That's 'Back For Good' Fine on its own, a moving 'n' melodic contemporary classic.
Put all three together Oh dear.
Don't forget, readers - someone, somewhere thought this would be a good idea. Perhaps it's a joke?
PROPER SONG SHARPISH PLEASE NADINE.
EDIT: YouTube have, perhaps as a public health measure, removed the audio from the above clip. Basically imagine Boyz II Men and Nadine Coyle doing a really bad cover version of 'Back For Good' and you're along the right lines.
When Same Difference were signed by Syco after the 2007 X Factor run they were very excited about unleashing their colourful, uncomplicated interpretation of pop onto the charts. There was a lot of chatter about 'bringing pop back' but when their material emerged it was a very specific type of pop which and one which was eventually marketed directly, unapologetically and ultimately rather unsuccessfully at an audience of children.
In a post-High School Musical climate it might have seemed a good idea, but High School Musical put movies at the heart of its brand and flogged music as an afterhought, just as aggressively as it flogged pencil cases and sticker books. Trying to build a kid-friendly lifestyle brand around music didn't quite pan out for Same Difference. Their debut album's heart was in the right place but didn't capture the S Club-esque stars it was reaching for, and in major label terms it wasn't workable. They left their label, and they left their management. The End.
EXCEPT NOT THE END AT ALL ACTUALLY.
Sean and Sarah are now back with a song which is better than anything on their debut album. It is called 'Souled Out' (clever play on words there readers) and it sounds a bit like this. (Well it sounds a lot like because this is literally it.)
Quite good? Yes. Quite good indeed. A little bit more sophisticated without trying to be La Roux (although COULD YOU IMAGINE), with a massive balls-out melody in the chorus. Job done, pack your bags, hometime, get the kettle on - it's in the bag.
Incidentally, if you're in the mood for seeing Sean and Sarah perform this live on stage, and if you happen to be within travelling distance of London, you're in luck: they're onstage at AND HOSTING tonight's Popshow Gold. Full details are here - as ever with Popshow the lineup veers wildly between the noteworthy and the unrelentingly woeful but that's part of the fun. That Waterloo band we mentioned a couple of months ago are also on stage, along with Niah (needs some work but along the right sort of lines) and the dementedly dramatic sound of Elouise. Basically if you start drinking straight after work and get there for 8pm the whole thing will seem brilliant.
Somewhere in this picture is a Susan Boyle. We're offering a cash prize fund of £4 to one Popjustice reader who correctly circles the Susan Boyle - using a RED PEN - on the coupon below and sends it to us before October 13. If more than one reader correctly spots the Susan Boyle, the winner will be picked at random.
Here's part of an album display in HMV in which two different editions of Madonna's 'Celebration' hits collection are on sale at the same price - £12.99. The one on the left is the 2CD edition, while the one on the right condenses it all down to one disc.
The options:
Disc 1
1. Hung Up
2. Music
3. Vogue
4. 4 Minutes
5. Holiday
6. Everybody
7. Like A Virgin
8. Into The Groove
9. Like A Prayer
10. Ray Of Light
11. Sorry
12. Express Yourself
13. Open Your Heart
14. Borderline
15. Secret
16. Erotica
17. Justify My Love
18. Revolver
Disc: 2
1. Dress You Up
2. Material Girl
3. La Isla Bonita
4. Papa Don't Preach
5. Lucky Star
6. Burning Up
7. Crazy For You
8. Who's That Girl
9. Frozen
10. Miles Away
11. Take A Bow
12. Live To Tell
13. Beautiful Stranger
14. Hollywood
15. Die Another Day
16. Don't Tell Me
17. Cherish
18. Celebration
1. Hung Up
2. Music
3. Vogue
4. 4 Minutes
5. Holiday
6. Like A Virgin
7. Into The Groove
8. Like A Prayer
9. Ray Of Light
10. La Isla Bonita
11. Frozen
12. Material Girl
13. Papa Don't Preach
14. Lucky Star
15. Express Yourself
16. Open Your Heart
17. Dress You Up
18. Celebration
So you buy the one on the left, right? MAYBE NOT. Some people would happily opt for the shorter but more 'pure' (and quite conspicuously 80s-flavoured) Madonna greatest hits. They would, in fact, probably pay a pound more for the convenience of not having to skip past 'Don't Tell Me', and they might, for example, see the final four tracks of CD1 as being 'a con', because they don't like them so why should they pay for them? Let's not forget value for money. You might think it's better value to get two CDs full of music, instead of just one. WRONG. If you don't like 12 of the 36 tracks in the 2CD edition you're wasting £4.32 of the £12.99, whereas if you like 16 of the 18 tracks in the 1CD edition you're only wasting £1.44 - that's a £2.88 saving which, in these difficult economic times, is not to be sniffed at.
It would be interesting to know how many copies of the 1CD version HMV have managed to shift - we bet they've sold a few, even when the 2CD edition is right there next to it. And do you know what? For a lot of people the one on the right might actually be the best choice. If you can look at a tracklisting and say 'I LOVE EVERY SONG ON THIS
CD', isn't it better than looking at a tracklisting and going 'there's
a lot of filler on here'?
Either way it's good that HMV provide a choice for the intelligent, discerning customer.
Savage's Italo disco classic 'Don't Cry Tonight' is one of the 180 best songs of the 1980s.
Below is a clip of Savage performing the song on an old Italian show called 'Disco Inverno' (WARNING: THIS LOOKS LIKE THE GREATEST TV PROGRAMME OF ALL TIME) - notable not just for the unusual sound of a real audience going really mental but also for the fact that there's well over a minute of song before the vocal comes in. It's a minute of brilliant atmosphere and amazingness.
He did some other stuff as well. As his offical site's bio puts it, "Savage is the original 80's italodisco pop star, worldwide famous singer and platinium record producer of Europop and house artists such as Corona, Alexia, Double You and Ice Mc. Composer and writer of various multimillion worldwide hits".
Anwyay he's been touring again recently and 'due to popular demand' etc has recorded A NEW SONG with A NEW ALBUM ready for next year. The song - get this one out quick - is called 'Twothousandnine', it's a bit like 'USSR' but let's not let that get in the way, and this is it.
That's right - it sounds exactly how you'd want it to sound. Good stuff.
September 5 During our coverage of Cheryl Cole's 'Fight For This Love' we failed to register suitable disapproval regarding the woeful verse lyrics and apologise to all readers for the distress they may have suffered as a consequence of this oversight.
September 9 On Wednesday September 9 we featured Mr Hudson's 'White Lies' as a Song Of The Day. We apologised as soon as we noticed our error but, while we accept that this song may be pleasing to the ears of many Popjustice listeners, we would like to take this opportunity to apologise again for featuring what is, in essence, a load of old boring rubbish.
September 11 On September 11, in an article entitled 'Katy Brand 0, Lady Gaga 1', we were slightly too ambiguous in our assessment of Katy Brand's unique (non-unique) brand of humour (not humour). To be clear on this, we are not particularly keen and didn't really feel her Lady Gaga 'pastiche' was very good.
September 21 On Popjustice.com and via Twitter we may, through the casual use easy-to-misinterpret phrases like '#teamkeisha', have given the impression that we were 'Team Keisha'. For the sake of clarity, and particularly in light of certain quite astonishing things we have heard about the last few months in the world of the Sugababes, we would like to state clearly that while we still believe Heidi, Amelle and Jade should go out under a new band name, we are firmly Team Heidi & Amelle.
September 24 In our article on Ladyhawke's 'creative partnership' with Becks we speculated that the flow of cash could have gone in either direction. Following an eyebrow-raising email we have received from A Close Pal of one party we apologise for suggesting that this deal represented anything other than a massive pile of cash for Ladyhawke.
September 25
In our September 25 article on solutions to file sharing, we neglected to mention that the best deterrent of all would be to make music totally terrible and therefore unattractive to downloaders, and we neglected to mention that this brave initative had been cleverly trialed by RCA with artists such as Scouting For Girls, The Script and Will & The People. We apologise to RCA for overlooking their novel, proactive approach to the file sharing problem.
September 28
On September 28 in our coverage of songstrel Jessie J we neglected to mention that the voice-of-an-angel warbler in question had toured with Girls Aloud. Apols to all concerned.
October 1
On October 1 we totally forgot to do a Popjustice Song Of The Day so Julian Casablancas ended up being Song Of The Day two days in a row, which in a way seems fair as it's a good song but in another way seems unfair on the Popjustice readership and we apologise for all and any inconvenience.
October 1
On October 1 we falsely claimed that Miley Cyrus' 'Party In The USA' sleeve was rubbish and featured Miley Cyrus cavorting near a wind machine or spotlight. We now accept that this image was not in fact the sleeve for 'Party In The USA' and that the two correct artworks are in fact, for the USA and Britain, respectively, these:
With regards to our original point about the disused wind manchine you will note that while not visible in the UK sleeve the wind machine has, in fact, been turned on. We apologise to - in this strict order: 1. Popjustice readers for any distress caused, 2. The people who designed the actual UK sleeve which is, in fact, quite good and ironically unropey for a sleeve featuring rope (but the US one is typically bad - the world would be a far better place if The Americans were kept well away from any artwork decisions), 3. Miley Cyrus.
October 2
On October 2 in a roundup of Apols for September 2009 we included two Apols for October 1 2009. We now accept that Apols for October 2009 should not have been in the September 2009 Apols roundup and apologise for any distress caused by these actions.
October 4
Chipmunk - 'Oopsy Daisy'
This track sounds brilliant on the radio. QUIZ TIME. Guess who was at one point mooted to be doing the guest vocals on this. Go on. Guess. You'll never guess. Well you might guess. Any ideas? Go on. We'll give you three guesses. No, it wasn't her. Two guesses left. No, not her, although she would have been a good call. One guess left. Go on.
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October 11
Crazy Loop - 'Crazy Loop (Mm Ma Ma)'
This is Dan 'Dan' Balan from O-Zone and it is 100% ridiculous.
It has already been Number One in Romania.
October 18
Young Soul Rebels 'I Got Soul'
This song performs three useful functions. Firstly, the reimagined version of The Killers' 'All These Things That I've Done' is good in its own right (although a couple of portions are slightly ropey). Secondly, it annoys serious Killers fans who, feeling rather threatened after that absolute dog of a last Killers album, are in a state of panic, running around bleating "oh dear oh no the world is going to end my favourite song has been butchered by 'urban' and 'pop' people". Thirdly, if you buy it it will make everything that is bad in the world suddenly become good, because that is how charity records work. In fact that's not how it works at all - it's really just about awareness so perhaps you don't need to even buy the song, you just need to be aware that it exists. And having read this far you're already aware of its existence. Your work here is done.
October 25
Ladyhawke 'Magic'
They haven't gone on record with this yet as it's a touchy issue but Island are using Ladyhawke to pioneer a new approach to selling music. As other labels move away from the strict album format Island are sticking with it, experimenting with the idea of an artist who records only one album in four years but somehow still manages to tour solidly and release a single every four and a half months. This is achieved through the clever use of remixes, re-releases, soft releases, full releases and vague sort of half-releases which nobody's ever sure really happened or not. At the end of this four year period - we must already be about halfway into it - the one album is retitled and repromoted as 'The Greatest Hits'. Anyway 'Magic' is brilliant but the video is fairly bad.
November 1
Marina & The Diamonds 'Mowgli's Road'
This is Marina's first 'proper' single so this is the one people will be really 'keeping an eye on' and if it does reasonably well everyone will say "well obviously I've been tipping her as a one to watch for some time now" but if it doesn't do well everyone will run around going "oh well it was never going to work, obviously they did the whole thing totally wrong as I was saying all along, I saw this a mile off". The song is basically incredible so at the end of the day, as usual, music is the winner.
November 8
Stereophonics 'Innocent'
The new Stereophonics album sampler still sits on our desk, unlistened-to. But here is a YouTube clip of the band performing this new single in a live environment.
Although this clip may not showcase the full studio magic of the polished radio edit we can safely say that 'Innocent' will not be Stereophonics' fourth good song. OH BOO HOO WHAT A GLIB 'REVIEW' AND WHAT USELESS SO-CALLED 'JOURNALISM' WHY DON'T YOU WRITE ANOTHER RUBBISH SONG ABOUT IT THEN KELLY YOU MASSIVE TIT.
November 15
Alesha Dixon ' To Love Again'
This song is having a weird effect on us. Every time we hear it it sounds slightly better, but with every listen we feel less inclined to deliberately listen to it. It's as if it's getting closer and further away at the same time, like the concept of true happiness.
November 22
Taio Cruz feat Ke$ha - 'Dirty Picture'
As Christmas approaches, what really says 'birth of Jesus' better than a single in which Taio Cruz demands, repeatedly, that Ke$ha sends him an MMS featuring a photo of her tits? It's alright though, it's not sexist because she asks him to send a photo of his cock as well. It's fine. The song begins with Taio explaining that "I could dream of ways to see you, I could close my eyes to dream, I could fantasise about you, tell the world what I believe, but whenever I'm not with you it's so hard for me to see. I want to see a picture of you, a special picture just for me." There is only one thing for it. "Take a dirty picture for me take a dirty picture just take a dirty picture for me take a dirty picture just send a dirty picture to me send a dirty picture just send a dirty picture to me send a dirty picture picture picture picture picture". This is basically a song about wanking.
EDIT: EXCEPT THIS ISN'T ACTUALLY THE ARTWORK BUT WE SPENT A GOOD FOUR MINUTES DOING THE BAT SIGNAL 'GRAPHIC' SO THIS STORY IS STAYING RIGHT HERE
If this is a party it's not a very exciting one and has perhaps been thrown by someone with no friends who needs to pay people to pretend to be her friends in pop videos. And if this is indeed 'in the USA' there is precious little in the way of useful signifier. Where be banners, star-spangled or otherwise? Where be 'cowboys'? And let's consider the props. That's either a wind machine or a spotlight. a) If it's a wind machine perhaps turning it on would be a good idea, otherwise it's just in the way. b) If it's a spotlight turning it on would be a good idea, otherwise it's just in the way, and if she's hoping to achieve some sort of 'Bat Signal' effect she's in for a big disappointment.
Kylie Minogue's trotting her way around America at the moment on her first US tour and amid the usual blur of frocks and dancers there's a new tune called 'Better Than Today' - a tune that came into existence courtesy of surprise Popjustice front page favourite Nerina Pallot. We're presuming this 'Rhythm Of Love'-esque tune is a pleasant, no-harm-intended album track rather than the big balls-out I'm-bloody-Kylie comeback single and, with that in mind, it's rather enjoyable.
SMALL PRINT: Estimation of this song's potential can go up as well as down subject to radio edit.
In the olden days - 2003, say - this sort of article would have been fine with a non-amusing but at least vaguely interesting headline like "a picture of Nerina Pallot looking a right mug (mug, right)" or "Nerina Pallot economy showing green shoes of recovery".
In 2010 - because let's face is 2009's pretty much over and done with as far as we're concerned - it's just supposed to have a load of keywords. Sad really.
Anyway it's not all bad news because the remix in question is really brilliant. We mentioned it (it's the 'Superpowerless mix') on Twitter a few days ago then Nerina's 'people' got in touch to say, basically, 'well if you like it that much do you want to do it as a download'. 'Yes,' we said. 'Yes that is exactly what we want to do.'
1. It's actually still got the song in it (ie it's not like that fist-gnawingly terrible XX mix of the Florence single).
2. It also contains some shouting.
October 4 
October 18
November 1
November 22
In the olden days - 2003, say - this sort of article would have been fine with a non-amusing but at least vaguely interesting headline like "a picture of Nerina Pallot looking a right mug (mug, right)" or "Nerina Pallot economy showing green shoes of recovery".