It's about an Estonian singer called Hannah. She seems like a nice enough woman. She's launching in the UK with a single later this month.
It's always interesting when internationally successful artists are launched like this in the UK. You find yourself bombarded claims like "SHE'S THE RUSSIAN MADONNA!" or "IT'S THE BELGIAN KYLIE!" (in this instance Hannah is apparently "EUROPE'S ANSWER TO LADY GAGA"), and you think to yourself "this will be quite good then", and then you listen to the song and it turns out to be alright in a 'pleasant enough when Texas released it' sort of way, and then there some 'Digital Dog' (or whoever) remixes that get played on Gaydar Radio, and then the money runs out and that's the end of that. 'The', as they say, 'end'.
Anyway, there are two problems with this newspaper. Firstly, we received this over a week ago and the second issue has yet to materiaiise, meaning that this is NOT a daily publication at all but instead has a very distinct whiff of something treated as a ONE OFF. Then there is the great bit about Hannah's London.
Here's what she has to say about one particular area of London. "The people and the ambience are so down to earth and real and there's a real sense of style and fun about it." Guess the area. Remember the key points: down to earth, realness, a sense of fun. Go on. Have a guess. That's right, Hannah is talking about SHOREDITCH.
Intermittently reliable gossip website Holy Moly reported yesterday that the Sugababes - and by Sugababes we mean SUGABABES not 'Sugababes'* - are back together and in talks with either Stuart Price or William Orbit.
A reunion would probably be the most awesome pop event of the millennium (unless it was shit), and this doesn't bode well, but in the event of a reunion what would this lovely trio of warbling ladies call itself?
Here are five ideas.
1. One Touch Just as suga and babe were a play on spice and girl, so the new name for the original Sugababes lineup could be a play on the Spice Girls' original name, Touch. 'One Touch' was also the title of the first SUGABABES album so it all fits in, do you see etc etc.
2. Babes Aloud This would be the worst name in the history of bad names, and considering The History Of Bad Names is a 50,000-page leather bound book with 'Orange Orange' in the first chapter, 'Test Icicles' a few pages later and 'Girls Can't Catch' on Page 8765, you can rest assured that Babes Aloud is a pretty bad name. A BAD NAME.
3. The Shergarbabes
This would only work if famous missing racehorse Shergar joined the band which, under the circumstances, is not as unlikely as it might once have seemed. This is all a bit like watching something like Flashforward in which an event which is incredibly unlikely and previously unthinkable has occurred meaning that if impossible things can happen any traditional sense of suspense of narrative pace goes out of the window and the whole thing is useless. That is a bit like a racehorse joining the SUGABABES. It's unlikely, but so is SUGABABES reforming in the first place, so anything could happen.
4. Heidi Amelle & Jade
Considering everyone is going to call Keisha, Mutya and Siobhan the Sugababes (and by Sugababes we mean SUGABABES) regardless of whether Jade, Heidi and Amelle actually have the legal right to the name , it stands to reason that they might just as well call themselves Heidi Amelle & Jade because then you will know that if someone says Sugababes meaning Heidi Amelle and Jade or Heidi Amelle & Jade meaning Keisha Mutya and Siobhan all you have to do is think of the other one and then that's the one they're talking about, unless they are also aware of this rule in which case you have to think of the one they ARE talking about instead of the one they're NOT talking about.
5. Them Apples As in, 'how do you like them apples?', which would basically be a big old 'fuck you' to everybody else. Do you know what, readers, we've totally lost track of whose side we're on in this whole thing. (Answer: Girls Aloud's.) (We're joking of course.) (Or are we?) *Goes for a lie down*
We hope this has been of some use to the band we'll refer to, in the interim, as SUGABABES.
* Heidi, Amelle and Jade should probably just rename themselves 'Sugababes' with full-on inverted commas action, shouldn't they, like with Hear'say but different. Perhaps we will write to the 'Sugababes'' management and suggest it.
As our scientific analysis clearly proves (click for full size - it's all in the detail) Mini Viva are already amazing and are on course to be even more amazing in the future.
Here is their latest contribution to the amazingness canon: the 'I Wish' video, which is like Billie Jean done with a box of Crayola.
Today's Popjustice Song Of The Day is a cover of Journey's 'Don't Stop Believin'' by the cast of US drama Glee. The show is really funny and amazing and last month E4 picked it up for UK broadcast.
A quick four-point summary of Glee for those of you who haven't yet come across the show online:
»Imagine if, after the first film, the High School Musical franchise had
got really good instead of really shit.
»And imagine if Britannia High
was as funny and clever and layered as everyone involved thought it
was.
»And imagine if the songs performed by cast members included 'Alone' by Heart and 'Rehab' by Amy Winehouse and 'Gold Digger' by Kanye West.
»AND imagine if they also did amazing medleys including one total triumph involving Beyonce's 'Halo' and Katrina & The Waves' 'Walking On Sunshine'.
Actually here's a fairly lengthy trailer which tells you everything you need to know about how brilliant Glee is.
In America the show's key songs are released on iTunes after each episode airs - 'Don't Stop Believin'' has shifted half a million downloads and on November 3 the full cast album comes out. Here's the tracklisting.
1. 'Don't Stop Believin''
2. 'Can't Fight This Feeling'
3. 'Gold Digger'
4. 'Take a Bow'
5. 'Bust Your Windows'
6. 'Taking Chances'
7. 'Alone'
8. 'Maybe This Time'
9. 'Somebody to Love'
10. 'Hate On Me'
11. 'No Air'
12. 'You Keep Me Hangin' On'
13. 'Keep Holding On'
14. 'Bust a Move'
15. 'Sweet Caroline'
16. 'Dancing with Myself'
17. 'Defying Gravity'
So the plan was that we would do an amusing 'wry' 'irreverent' 'sideways look' at the ultra-deluxe edition of Lady Gaga's 'Fame Monster', which along with various 'art book' type things also includes A LOCK OF LADY GAGA'S HAIR.
We were going to bash off an amusing thing about how could you clone Lady Gaga and have lots of Lady Gagas, and we were going to do a thing about how it might go wrong and then we'd post a link to a clip like this one and then everyone would say "oh LOL Popjustice you have such a unique and refreshing take on the pop scene" and we would say "well of course that's very flattering but really we just do what we do and if anyone else likes it that's a bonus".
Sadly, in the course of our cloning research we found THIS.
Intermittently reliable gossip website Holy Moly 
