In case anybody is wondering whether the Scissor Sisters 'Any Which Way' video is any cop, and in case they don't have the time to actually watch it here...
...the news is good. It is a great video with slow motion stuff and dressing up etc. Hurrah.
They don't write, they don't call, they don't tweet, and they only text when they want something.
Is this what it is like being a parent? Is it normal to feel this sort of 'oh what do they want now?' feeling whenever a text arrives?
We don't really want to feel like this. We want to feel excited when a Saturdays text arrives. We want it to think "OH GOD THIS MIGHT BE SOME BRILLIANT TIPS ON HOW TO GET THE SATURDAYS' STREETSMART STYLE" or "OMG PERHAPS UNA HAS DONE ANOTHER SENSITIVE 'N' BROODIN' ACOUSTIC YOUTUBE THING" or "FRANKIE JUST WANTS A CHAT ABOUT HOW EVERYTHING'S GOING". We want to feel that hope. Instead all we feel is despair.
Speaking of despair, we mentioned this on Twitter a week or so ago but as it turns out 'Missing You' is not (NOT) all awful and is, in fact, quite good.
"AN APOLOGY TO THE SATURDAYS"
Dear The Saturdays. Your new single is not as bad as we thought it was and is in fact quite 'good' although the dance routine is a little on the ropey side and that is solid unchangeable the-years-will-not-weather-it pop fact.
Do you remember that point a few years ago where it seemed like Charlotte Church was going to save pop, then it turned out that she had recorded a fairly will-this-do album of scattergun pop efforts which she went on to promote with all the grace, subtlety and lightness of touch of Katie Price in a branch of Ann Summers?
Well she has gone and done a new album and this song from it is really good. It is called 'Snow'.
The commentary on the video is quite interesting - we've deciphered a few of the key points for you.
"The decision to come back to work."
I think of this as a job. Is it hometime yet.
"Music and singing is what I do."
The Charlotte Church show didn't go down very well.
"I started writing with people from all over the place."
This was completely aimless.
"Nashville is saturated with music."
I listened to my iPod a bit while I was there.
"Experimenting and creating a new, different sound."
Unless you heard the Siobhan Donaghy album, that one she had out while I was working with loads of people on the pop album and saying 'this is what I'm really about not that stuff I did before' and shortly before I said it wasn't really what I wanted to be doing after all etc etc.
Now then. We appreciate that Taio Cruz is dealing with whole "ooh what an exciting life he must lead etc" world of super-aspirational pop tunesmithery.
We are also aware that his longevity, particularly in America, hinges on an ability to convincingly appear glamorous and somehow beyond the reach of the average listener.
We also accept that it is also important for Taio to show an awareness of brands brands brands brands, what with his whole Rokstarr range and so on.
But there has to be a point where we all put our collective foot down and say NO TAIO THIS LINE IN YOUR HIT SINGLE 'DYNAMITE' IS NOT ACCEPTABLE.
Obviously it sounded quite ridiculous on first listen, as lyrics often do. They seem odd or contrived or clunky, but over time, and with repeated listens, they start to make sense. Sometimes they stop being words and just become sounds that feel like they're woven into the fabric of the song, or noises that accompany other instruments. Not here. Not with Taio. Not with 'Dynamite'. Not here, not now, not ever. And today is the day when we stand up and say 'Christ on a bike Taio "I'm wearing all my favourite brands brands brands brands" is a monumentally bad pop lyric, don't do it again'.
And when you think about it, it's not too late to change the lyrics. It might be a US chart topper and it might be all over UK radio, and there might be 7m views of the video on YouTube, but think how long 'Candle In The Wind' was around for and they got away with changing the lyrics to that. In fact, it sent the song back to Number One!
Food for thought there, Taio. Food for thought.
Other things about this song:
1. Taio Cruz sings 'dynamite' as if it is spelt 'dynomite'. What a clot.
2. It has the best plinky hands in the air piano riff of 2010 - a riff so amazing that it may soon replace the weirdo electro part of 'Miss You Bow Wow' as the official Popjustice ringtone.
3. The bit in the video where he sings "I throw my hands up in the air sometimes" and throws his hand up in the air at that specific time is POPULAR MUSIC GOLD.
4. The bit at 3:16 where it looks like someone has set fire to a super-charged Taiofart is quite exciting too.
