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I can't even begin to tell you how ancient I felt reading those lyrics along as I listened to the song. "PERUSING HIS DICK" made me laugh quite heartily.

I think young Azealia has just got a little bit over-excited and is showing off because we've got guests. I prescribe an early bath before bedtime, and some careful consideration – perhaps glancing...

Yes, it reminds me of Irreplaceable, too – a song I have never really been in love with.

What's good about it: she's back; it's not a cover; it isn't *too* old-fashioned or safe (even has some...

She forgot the tune. There doesn't like there's any artistry in this. It's like it's to prove a point: look how raw I can be; look how little of a fuck I give that I can just do a bit of spitting...

I think rather than be the CPR the album desperately needs, releasing Glassheart as a single will be the pillow over its face.

Everyone who said you didn't need a personality to sell records and...

I rarely celebrate failure. I can't find joy in another's misfortune. If this album fails, people may lose jobs, money, reputation and the cash spent on putting this together won't be recouped,...

The thing with the "never do the same thing twice" rule is that it is sometimes at the expense of good material.

GOD I LOVE THIS. She really is the Lost Sugababe (1.0), isn't she? YES.

Ah, Tulisa. She looked like she'd just popped out from wiping tables down at Nando's – which with any luck is what she'll be doing this time next year. At least she took her chewing gum out.

This song is amazing! Oh, no, hang on, I still had my earplugs in.

It's like listening to two plastic carrier bags finger each other in a puddle while a motorbike starts up in the background. Pop...

Sometimes it feels like Rihanna is on the longest, most ludicrous and audacious gap year ever, and once it's over she'll go back home and start at uni to do sociology. Or perhaps chemistry. But...

Bobbyrae, you 'speculate' it isn't a rush job; I 'speculate' it is. Is that what you're saying, sorry, 'speculating'?

I'm really pleased you've learned a new word and are eager to show it off, but...

It isn't 'speculation'; I've listened to it. Read the post again and see if it manages to go in.

If something is 'retarded' because you disagree with it, I see a lifetime of disappointment ahead...

Ooh, I bet Nadine gave the printers a few her LA dollars from her amazing bar so that they'd add that in. Mind you, if she had done, surely she would also have made them add: "Vocal production for...

The idea of doing a track-by-track review is quite depressing to me, so I shan't. If Rihanna couldn't be bothered to donate 100% of herself to it while she recorded it, how am I ever to connect to it...

Yes this is exactly what pop should be about. A sackful of 'could be anyone', with a side of 'will this do' and a sprinkling of plastic 'urban'. There's nothing wrong with generic, faceless pop if it...

Any Nadine-light song is all the poorer for it. I wish they'd send Sarah and Cheryl to the shop for fags (20 Rothmans for Kimberley) and milk while the rest of them sing.

I listened to the Abbey Road samples earlier. Hmmm. Much of it seems to be a wasted opportunity. It's a pity that most of these new arrangements decide to take the route most-travelled: pare...

Unapologetic – the buzzword of the witless, rude "If I've got something to say, I'll say it to your face" generation.

Her face reminds me a bit of Madonna on the album cover. Nice to see her...

EXCITING.

(Except for the track, which sounds like something Calvin Harris pooed out in Brixton KFC while waiting for the 159 to Streatham.)

BUT, YES, EXCITING.