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SOME KIND OF MIRACLE

If there’s one thing to make us scream ‘OMG’ like a retarded Blazin’ Squad fan it’s the promise of new Pet Shop Boys material.

We’ve already established that ‘Pop Art’ (ace sleeve pictured, left) will be the greatest album ever released, and now it turns out that ‘Miracles’, the new single, is a cracker too. Which is a relief because, frankly, nobody needs another ‘Samurai In Autumn’. Here’s how ‘Miracles’ works.

0.00: Starts off with some strings ‘n’ harp action. How very ‘atmospheric’.

0.30: Intro continues to build up.

0.38: Drama! The music drops out for Neil’s intro vocals.

0.50: It sounds just like Madonna’s ‘Frozen’. Boo! It’s a ballad!

1.08: Hurrah: it’s not a ballad after all! It’s a proper PSB song like from The Olden Days!

1.09 – 3.41: Song continues, and in spite of lyrics which wouldn’t really be out of place on an S Club 8 single, sounds unutterably wonderful because it’s being done by the Pet Shop Boys and that’s how it works.

3.42: Neil does a high bit at the end.

3.43: Song finishes.

3.50: Homosexuals around the world burst into tears.

4.50: After brief consideration, non-homosexuals think ‘Oh, the Pet Shop Boys are quite good after all, I must have dreamt the past decade’.

Nov 24: Gays and ungays buy ‘Pop Art’…

Nov 30: …which goes to Number One.

Dec 25: It snows at Christmas, the way it’s meant to do.

Earlier today Neil and Chris performed the song at something called a New Pop festival in Germany. We’re not sure what the New Pop festival is, but Siobhan Donaghy was always so it can’t have been real pop music because as we all know Siobhan is basically like Janis Joplin, but less manufactured. Right? Right.