Notes on the fundamentally dishonest new Alphabeat video

“Oh hi everyone we’re Alphabeat, we’re so friendly and etc.”

Really? Really, Alphabeat? THEN WHY DO YOU LIE?

EXHIBIT A

This shot from the ‘Vacation’ video clearly suggests that Stine is around three times larger than four other band members. We have met the band on numerous occasions and we have seen with our own eyes that Stine is in fact smaller than most of her bandmates. This is nothing to be ashamed of – so why does she lie?

EXHIBIT B

Similarly, this image suggests that there are three Troelses in Alphabeat, two of whom are around five times larger than the third, as well as being mirror images of each other. It may be that on the occasions when we met the band only the ‘normal’-sized Troels was in attendance, with the freakish giants left locked up at Alphabeat HQ, but we find that extremely unlikely. Despite the fact that there are approximately 200 Anderses in the band we can confidently say that Alphabeat do not have three Troelses in their lineup. WHY DO ALPHABEAT LIE?

EXHIBIT C

There are not three Stines the band.

EXHIBIT D

This is just offensive.

WHY DO YOU LIE, ALPHABEAT? WHY DO YOU LIE TO YOUR FANS?

Here’s the disgraceful video in full.

Sickening.