The new Kylie video (above – also viewable via Kylie.com) is a lovely pervoramic pop moment. Here is a quick rundown of what happens in it.
|1. I should be so latte|
This clearly isn’t actually a latte but not to worry. Note that although ‘All The Lovers’ is being released in 2010 this video is clearly set in 2008, hence the ‘period detail’ of the QR code. The general idea here is that something exciting is happening and someone is so excited by the exciting thing that they have dropped their drink.
|2. Tears on my mallow|
Something exciting continues to happen, this time prompting marshmallows to be dropped. Marshmallows falling to the ground is a less used cinematic convention the reason for this being that nobody really carries open packets of marshmallows around with them.
|3. (We’re not sure what this is)|
We did this screengrab by mistake. We think it’s a lady taking her top off but it could really be anything. Sorry readers this is a shambles. We bet Anna Pickard never has these problems.
|4. I briefcase in you|
Briefcases are programmed to open automatically in the event of an interesting thing happening. You can’t see in this screengrab but those papers are actually a top-secret 300-page dossier on the decision not to release ‘The One’ as the first single off ‘X’.
|5. Better the dove-il you know|
Here Kylie is atop a mountain of writhing bodies, complemented by some doves. Dove is a good reference point here as this does look a bit like an advert for some soap.
|6. Floating around|
From this point forward, until sometime in the middle of next week, all new pop videos can and must be judged on whether or not they contain huge inflatable elephants.
|7. Give me just a little more time|
This is Dannii arriving late.
|9. Equiner feelings|
HORSE ON THE LOOSE HORSE ON THE LOOSE. (This is a real horse not an inflatable one.)
|10. Where is the ceiling|
Kylie’s heap o’ lovers continues to get higher and higher (a bit like in the song – do you see).
|12. Something about a dove|
The video ends with Kylie releasing a dove, a bit like that spooky Michael Jackson fan who released doves outside the courtroom when it turned out Michael hadn’t been involved in any funny business and was instead just very misunderstood.
Well that ‘amusing irreverent look’ at the new Kylie video wasn’t as good as we were expecting it to be.