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Notes on preparing for a POP MONSTER

Posted by Popjustice on Aug 18 2014 at about 16:16

pop-monsters-likely

It’s easy to be complacent but we would like to take this opportunity to remind all Popjustice viewers of the very real threat that a POP MONSTER could at any moment appear from nowhere and devour your entire Twitter feed.

A POP MONSTER can take one of three forms.

1.
Some POP MONSTERS roar into view with a reasonable amount of warning. For instance there’s tonight’s Taylor Swift Swiftogeddon event, in which Taylor Swift will almost certainly unveil a new song during a pre-announced live stream. That kicks off at about 10pm UK time.

2.
In other cases, such as Charli XCX‘s forthcoming single ‘Break The Rules’, you feel that the signs are there for a song to simply appear at any moment. (Case in point: The Charli XCX single did indeed appear while we were editing this post.)

3.
And then there’s the ever-present threat of a Full Beyoncé. (Please refer to our earlier discussion of what does and does not constitute a Full Beyoncé.) Again, we urge readers not to be complacent – with one new Nicki Minaj remix already out there and another, Rihanna-featuring remix being rumoured online, there is a very real threat of Beyoncé re-beyoncéing ‘BEYONCÉ’ as a full-on remix album in the coming days or weeks. Naturally, Rihanna herself could simply dump a comeback single online at any moment.

Don’t forget that any of the above types of POP MONSTER may also leak ahead of schedule, resulting in a full-scale pop emergency.

Preparing for the appearance of a POP MONSTER is as important psychologically as it is physically. It goes without saying that your body should be ready – but is your mind ready?

  • If you know a big release is coming, have you been listening to that artist’s back catalogue back to back in order to reacquaint yourself with their amazingness?
  • If you know the title of the song, have you already thought about how you will use that title in the wording of an amusing reaction tweet?
  • If you’re heading out and have reason to suspect a POP MONSTER outbreak may occur, can you relax knowing that your phone is fully charged?

Of course, preparing for a POP MONSTER is only any use if you’re also prepared for how you will deal with the aftermath.

This is why we have prepared a POP MONSTER instant response form. It’s important that you complete this form after any attack from a POP MONSTER.

Click here for the POP MONSTER instant response form and make sure it’s bookmarked for easy retrieval in the event of a surprise POP MONSTER attack. 

Good luck!